Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCPopular Phil Dunphy Quotes
Luke: You had a girlfriend before mom?
Phil: I had two!
I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old.
You're doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean.
She's one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice.
Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.
Phil: I'm really sorry for not underestimating Luke enough.
Claire: Well that means a lot to me.
Claire [after eating Haley's cupcakes]: Do we still have the number for poison control?
Phil: I love you, Claire, I'll always love you!
Luke: My mouth is asleep like at the dentist.
The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "we love you, Phil."
Phil: It's like a movie theater, library and a music store all rolled in to one... awesome pad.
Alex [to Haley]: A library is a place where people get books
Haley [to Alex]: A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.
I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage, then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled "ball two!" Everybody laughed. That's when I knew I was funny.
Maybe you should come to the doctor and I'll ... get rid of it!
Claire: I was out of control growing up, there you know, I said it. I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If Hailey never wakes up on a beach in Florida half naked, I've done my job.
Phil: Our job.
Claire: Right, I've done our job
