I used to make stuff for Claire all the time. I think my artistry was what locked her down.

They say the greats never let anything affect their performance. Well maybe the greats never had a daughter who checked out during the third of five planned real time wardrobe changes. But I'm not gonna lie, it knocked me off my game.

A happy kid is like an anti-depressant. But a natural one, not the kind your husband has to find in your jewelry drawer.

Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.

Phil: Sounds fun, wear your helmets.
Manny: We will. I'm not writing my first novel by blowing through a tube.

Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?

It’s all gravy, when you’re in the A.V.

She’s like a self-cleaning oven.

Luke: It's called growing up and having your own interests. Like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose.
Phil: Wow, using my own movie against me. Let's hear it for the boy.

Phil: Remember the great Kevin Bacon on footloose?
Luke: More like Foot-loser.

He keeps resisting but it's in his blood. I come from a long line of dancing Dunphys. A kickline actually.

Just when I’m so close to the Canadian border I can smell the bacon and reasonably priced medications.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.