Amazing. One second of a stranger's voice on a phone, and you've got full Bollywood.

Stewie

Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

I ate a dime once. It became a manhole cover for like three days, then pow!

Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up. I saw too much.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.

Oh, my grundle. It's bruised. It's bruised bad.

I'm Brian. I like garbage peanut butter, and I wear my "I voted" sticker for a year and a half.

Thanks for coming to my big night, Brian. I see you got all dressed up in your exposed weiner.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Family Guy Quotes

[disappointedly] You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes ya feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah. You're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changin'. I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley