Amazing. One second of a stranger's voice on a phone, and you've got full Bollywood.

Stewie

Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

I ate a dime once. It became a manhole cover for like three days, then pow!

Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up. I saw too much.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.

Oh, my grundle. It's bruised. It's bruised bad.

I'm Brian. I like garbage peanut butter, and I wear my "I voted" sticker for a year and a half.

Thanks for coming to my big night, Brian. I see you got all dressed up in your exposed weiner.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Family Guy Quotes

Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.

(After running over Joe with the tank)
Peter: Joe, my god what happened?
Joe: You just ran over me you bastard! I don't know where you got that thing, but I'm impounding it!
Peter: Heheheh look at you, you look like a half-empty toothpaste.