(Janitor hits J.D. with a wrench)
J.D.: Owww! (points at Turk) He is the one that needs to cry you idiot, not me!
(Janitor hits J.D. again)
J.D.: Owww!
Janitor: Oh yeah, I forgot about that crying stuff...

Janitor: What the hell are you?
Todd: I'm the Todd.

This is easy. It's like drowning someone.

Drill-Fork! You can drill and fork! Mostly fork.

Dr. Kelso: Hey! Thanks to your little "telling me the wrong time prank" I was 45 minutes late for my oriental massage which meant that instead of Pang Wa I had to settle with Ching Yao.
Janitor: So?
Dr. Kelso: Ching Yao is a DUDE!

Oh no, it's black Kojak and scary nurse-wife.

J.D.: You will never get anywhere near me.
Janitor: We'll see.
J.D.: Yeah, we will se.
Janitor: Oh, we are going to see.
J.D.: The only left to do is see.
Janitor: You are going to pay.
J.D.: We'll see.
Janitor: I have no time.
J.D.: Okay, bye.

Janitor: Well the good news is his head isn't in the storage room. 'Cause I once found a head in the storage room. Funny story actually; I put it in my locker 'cause I didn't have time to go to lost and found, went on a long week and forgot all about it. Come back to work on monday, open my locker, WAH, head. Plus, rats. I panicked 'cause I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed the thing and ran up to the roof, and I punt it, and I shank it wide left like I always do. Now, it's heading straight down right for Kelso sitting in his convertable. I'm done. I'm out of a job right? Wrong! At that second a hawk flies in, grabs the thing, and flies off with it. And I know what you're thinking; we're in the middle of a city. What's a hawk doing there?
Carla: I can't believe you get a locker and I don't.

Janitor: You know I made up that whole hawk story?
Carla: Yeah. I know you're not as weird as you want people to think you are.

Elliot: Carla, the orderly lost my chart for Mr. Tyler in 406. Would we have his dosages in here somewhere?
Carla: You were gonna put him on penicillin but he was allergic so you were gonna put him on a gram of vancomycin.
Elliot: Thank you.
Janitor: You should put some of that crazy nurse memory to use on our missing dude.

Carla: Kelso's gonna kill me. I can't find Mr. Sommers.
Janitor: Did you look between Mr. Spring and Mr. Fall? Ha ha, too easy.

Carla: Ow! What, are you wearing a cup?
Janitor: Well, people try to hit me there more than you think.

Scrubs Quotes

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings

[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start