Cristela Quotes
Smells like justice.
Albert
Cristela: Hey Mama, I'm going to teach you how to use the Internet.
Natalia: Oh, I wanted Daniela to do it.
Cristela: You win.
Alberto, don't hit on women when you're wearing jean shorts.
Project brown town is almost done, sir.
Cristela [to Trent]
Cristela: Can you believe Felix? I'm just trying to expose Henry to something nice. It's the theater, not a cockfight.
Natalia: Ah, suddenly somebody's too good for a cockfight?
Cristela: No Mama, I will never forget my ninth birthday party.
Daniela: There's a system to getting what you want from Felix.
Cristela: Eh, I don't want to hear this.
Oh, I'm gonna kill her. But first I'm gonna dance.
Natalia: You're in America, you can stop singing.
Cristela: You're in America, you can stop complaining.
My theme song is I feel meh.
Egg whites for breakfast. Musical theater. What's next? Listening to NPR?
Natalia
Oh, it's the perfect show to start with. A show about Latinos, usually performed by people that are not Latinos.
Daniela: Well, I heard that high cholesterol is the number one killer of Latinos.
Natalia: Well, I know a couple of cartels that would disagree with you.
