Zach: Just curious? Why was it so important you see me?
Noah: You're my grandson, my flesh and blood. Isn't it only natural I should want a relationship with you?
Zach: What kind of relationship can we have when I know you tried to kill my dad?

Dr. Ron: Hi Susan! How those drugs working for you? Feeling good?
(Susan mumbles unintelligibly)
Dr. Ron: Well, um... I want you to know, what I said the other day, that corny stuff about me holding your heart in my hands...
(Susan giggles)
Dr. Ron: Well, what I meant to say was, my feelings for you, they keep growing, and I think, well, I hope that you feel the same way about me. Aw hell, Susan, I love you.
Susan: Aw, thank you, I love Mike...
Dr. Ron: Mike? Susan, who's Mike??
Susan: (with a dreamy smile) Mike is love...
Dr. Ron: Who the hell is Mike?!
Nurse Heisel: I don't know, but she's married to a guy named Karl! I'm so sorry, I should have told you, Dr. Ron!!
Susan: (mumbling) Mikey, Mike, Mikey...
Nurse Heisel: Why are you always falling in love with skanks? You're a beautiful, beautiful man!! (runs sobbing from the operating room)

Bree Van de Kamp had a weekly routine she'd been following for years. She cleaned on Tuesdays. She paid her bills on Wednesdays. She did her laundry on Thursdays. And after these daily chores were completed, she would reward herself with a little drink. What Bree didn't know was this latest addition to her routine had been noticed by her friends. And it had now become part of their routine to discuss it.

Mary Alice

This is how Bree van de Kamp finally came to change her weekly routine. She still cleaned on Tuesdays, paid her bills on Wednesdays, and did her laundry on Thursdays. But her Fridays were now reserved for a meeting. A special meeting where she stood in front of people she didn't know and said things she didn't believe. And afterwards, Bree would come home and reward herself on the completion of another successful week.

Mary Alice

Gabrielle: So just to be clear, some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas 'n gulp, and she is going to make sure we're quality people?
Carlos: You don't need to answer that.

Mike: Felicia, why are you here?
Felicia: Young Zachary and I didn't exactly part on the best of terms. In fact, when the weather's damp, I'm still reminded of our last good-bye. But forgive and forget. That's my motto. Macaroon?

Attorney: There is nothing more important than family. And I think it's so unfair some are denied their God-given right to parent just because of a few sordid incidents in their past. Now I may have to explore some unconventional paths to find your child. I might even have to take action some might view as unsavory. But before I do, I need proof that the two of you are prepared to face the challenges ahead.
Gabrielle: Twenty-thousand dollars. Is that proof enough for you?
Attorney: Yes, it is.

(after Andrew tells her he hates her) The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected and I still have a chance to set you right.


Bree: Perception is reality, Andrew. And if people perceive me to have a drinking problem, then I do. And I certainly don't want some idiotic judge using my hobby as an excuse to make you rich. So I'm simply going to give up my wine and become a recovering alcoholic.
Andrew: Good plan, but it'll never work. See, I'll bet you still end up coming to court hammered.
Bree: Oh, Andrew, you don't think I love you enough to give up alcohol?
Andrew: Look, I'm seventeen, all right? So, you can only keep me here for another year. Why not just let me go?
Bree: Because I'm not done with you yet. It's my job to teach you and you are not half the man I know you can be.
Andrew: Yeah, well, I got news for you. This is as good as I'm gonna get.
Bree: If I really thought that, I'd get a gun right now and kill us both.

We will find someone. Someone who does not remember where they were when Lincoln was shot!

<I>Tom has asked Mrs. McCluskey to babysit the kids much to Lynette's chagrin</i> Lynette

Now and then, we all need a little help. (Shot of Lynette taking out a quantity of wine bottles from Bree's garbage) So we ask for small favors.(Shot of a justice filling out a marriage license) But it's always best to be wary of those who eagerly come to our rescue (The couple is Karl and Susan, who are getting married. Karl kisses his bride) Because even the smallest of favors (Shot of Tom asking Karen McCluskey to babysit the kids) carries a pricetag (Mrs. McCluskey comments on her rain gutters, and Tom looks at them in dread) Yes, everyone has an agenda (Shot of Gabrielle's mother on the phone, offering to stay with an aunt who is having an operation) Whether they admit it or not. And in those rare instances where there is no ulterior motive (Shot of Bree exiting her house) We are so taken aback that we may fail to recongnize the truth (Bree notices her porch is littered with wine bottles. One has a note inside which reads "Do you still think you don't have a problem"?) That a loving friend has just done us an enormous favor (Bree looks across the street to Lynette, who is cleaning her yard. The two ladies look at each other, and Lynette returns to her house)


Carlos: There was a lot of stuff that Gabby went through when she was younger. A lot of stuff that you don't know about. And I think that if you went to her and asked her about it, then the two of you could finally get passed it.
Lucia: What stuff are you talking about, Carlos?
Carlos (deep breath): Your second husband Alejandro. When Gabby was 15 he assaulted her; sexually.
Lucia: Is that what she told you?
Carlos: Look, I know it comes as a shock for you to be hearing it from me.
Lucia:Carlos, please, I am aware they had sex. But it was Gabrielle who seduced him. Carlos: Excuse me?
Lucia: She was always jealous of me. You don't know how many times I caught her wearing my shoes, trying on my jewelery. And I'd scream at her to leave my things alone, but no, she wanted whatever I had. Then one night she set her sights on Alejandro. Believe me, no one got raped.
Carlos: Lucia, she was only 15!
Lucia: You know, a lot of men have left me over the years, and I never knew the reason, but when Alejandro left, I knew exactly why it happened. Gabrielle made him fall in love with her. Took me so many years to forgive her.

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

(after Andrew tells her he hates her) The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected and I still have a chance to set you right.


Bree: Give me your tie.
Tom: What?
Bree: Give me your tie!
Lynette: Give it to her! Give it to her!