Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
Lois: Peter, stop that! We're not having sex, I just told you I have a lump!
Peter: I have a lump too and mine's easier to get rid of
Chris: Hey dad, where you going with that cutout?
Peter: Oh hey kids, this is Kathy, we're designing lifestyle products together. It's completely legitimate, but don't tell your mother!
Meg: Mom, I can't clean, I've got stuff to do.
Lois: Meg, we all know you don't have stuff to do
Doctor: Hum, 29 pounds, that's big for your age.
Stewie: Well forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials
Hey, you that Griffin boy's father? Patty Tanager, the caddy manager. Yeah, it rhymes, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
Caddy Manager
Cleveland: I can't believe how terrible the fishing was.
Peter: Yeah, all we caught was a tire, a boot, a tin can, and this book of clichés
Joe: Hey, Quagmire! You wanna come camping with us?
Quagmire: Sorry, boys. The only tent I'm gonna be pitchin' this weekend is... well, you can see where I'm goin' with this. Oh
I say, Rupert, this paste is delicious. It's almost worth the bowel obstruction!
Stewie
Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
Brian: Thanks for the update Big Ben.
[Brian and Peter Laugh]
Lois: You're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted from bein' up all night drinkin'.
Lois: Listen, Peter, if you keep this up something terrible's gonna happen.
Peter: Somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!
Brian: Nice
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
It's like I died and went to heaven, but then it turned out it wasn't my time, and they sent me to a brewery
Peter
Beer that never goes flat. Do you know what that means, Brian? This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age and we buy another dog to help the kids ... y'know, forget about you
Peter
