Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 4 Quotes
Oh, I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side, you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know, the novel you've been working on. You know, the...the one, uh, you been working on for three years. You know, the...the novel. Mm, got something new to write about now. You know, maybe...uh, maybe a main character gets into a relationship, suffers a little heart break. Something like uh, what...what you been, you just been through. Draw from the real life experience. Little uh, little heart break. You know...work it into the story. Make those characters a little more three dimensional. Little, uh, richer experience for the reader. Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing, what's going to happen. Some twists and turns. Little epilogue, everybody learns the hero's journey isn't always a happy one. Oh, I look forward to reading it.
Stewie
Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit.
Doctor: Oh my, that's a nasty one. I bet the other kids all call you zit face.
Chris: No.
Doctor: Pus peak?
Chris: No.
Doctor: Papa zit?
Chris: No.
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well, yeah
Hey Chris? What ever happened to Geena Davis? She used to be in movies but she's not in movies anymore. She's attractive enough but when she smiles you see too much gum. Not enough tooth to gum ratio. Chris? Ah I'll tell you tomorrow!
Stewie
Don't say retard Chris, we prefer to be called little people
Peter
Joe: So, what can I do for you Peter?
Peter: Well Joe, I need to talk to you about something kind of personal.
Joe: Shoot.
Peter: Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
Joe: Deal with what?
Peter: You know, with being retarded.
Joe: Peter, I'm not retarded, I'm handicapped.
Peter: Oh, well now you're just splitting hairs
Lois: Okay here we go, "What color is a fire truck?"
Peter: Aww, oh God I always get these. Umm..okay..uhh..all right.. fire truck.. fire truck fire truck fire truck fire truck. What color are those red fire trucks? Uhh.. Oh god I can picture them now...all red and everything
Brian: Uh, Peter according to this you're not a genius. In fact you're mentally retarded.
Peter: Oh yeah? Well would a mentally retarded guy have hired a bulldozer with a drunk driver to level half of his house in celebration of his fantastic test results?
Brian: Uh, maybe.
Peter: Oh
Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Meg: We have the same dad, idiot!
Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter!
Meg [about Peter being retarded]: I can't believe this is happening to me! I can never go back to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not two years of grotesque appearance, or awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight!
Peter [on the phone]: Hello, Sally, h-hey, it's Peter Griffin. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah, it's been a while, yeah. So, uh, listen, uh, I just found out I'm retarded, and, um, I'm just calling to let you know that, uh, you might want to get yourself tested...Hello?
Lois: Peter, mental retardation usually happens before you're born. It isn't something you can catch. Don't you think you're overreacting?
Peter: Well, excuse me for being retarded!
Peter: Well excuse me for being retarded. My whole world is turned upside-down. Black is east, up is white.
Brian: Peter, I hate to say 'I told you so' about not being a genius, but uh... YEAH! IN YOUR F**KING FACE, F**KWAD! I'm... I'm sorry
Peter: All right everybody, time for paint ball!
Brian: Uh... I forgot to pick up the paint ballguns.
Joe: We can use these, [he brings a box of live guns] I brought them from the office.
Everyone takes a gun.
Lois: Peter, is it safe to be firing real gun in the house?
Peter: All right, All Right, nobody fire at Lois, she's scare... Okay 1.. 2.. 3... GO!