Oh my God, I attacked Lois! What the hell was I thinking? I'm a rapist. I-I'm no better than Kobe Bryant, or Mike Tyson, or Reagan.

Brian

Peter: I am so glad Brian brought us out here, Lois. He's a real pal, you know that?
Lois: Well, it's actually Brian I need to talk to you about.
Peter: Boy, he's a hell of a guy, isn't he? He's the one guy I know I can trust.
Lois: Brian tried to have sex with me.
(pause)
Peter: Was he bigger than me?

Peter: You can't even hang on to a girlfriend for more than a couple of months.
Brian: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Peter: Oh... you're a friggin' train wreck with that crap, Brian. You couldn't even get Jillian to take you back, and she was dumber than Lou Ferrigno.

Peter: (very drunk) Did I miss Byron's reward?
Lois: "Brian's award". And yes, you did!
Peter: Brian, you've been a good son, and I'm sorry you're so sick.

Lois: (after reading Peter's note) Well, heh, it looks like I am free. Hey, you know what might be fun? How bout we just order room service and watch a couple of bad movies?
Brian: Yeah, that does sound like fun. I'll go rent Vanilla Sky.
Lois: I said a bad movie, not an abortion.

Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days. So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed.
Chris: Well that sucks.
Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis

Meg: No offense, Mr. Herbert, but I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for you.
Herbert: Well, no offense to you Meg, but you're a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for YOU.

Brian: Lois, I really like to talk about this.(Brian starts scratching the door)
Lois: No! Stop scratching the door!
Brian: Okay.

Announcer: We now return to Damn Nature, You Scary on BET.
(cut to the TV screen, where a cheetah is running)
Narrator: Damn, look at that son-of-a-bitch go! He haulin' ass! If that thing come by my house, I kill it.
(the cheetah sees a meerkat, catches it, and eats it)
Narrator: That little rat-looking thing just got ate! DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY!

(Peter calls Quagamire)
Peter: Look Quagamire were only gonna be in Martha's Vinyard for a couple days can't you just watch the kids
(pause where Quagamire refuses)
Peter: Aww man your more of a let down then fruit stripe gum.
(flash back where peter puts a piece of fruit stripe gum in his mouth)
Peter: Mmmmmm
(1 second later)
Peter: Awww

James Woods: Hey, not so fast pal. Those are my clothes.
Peter: Oh come on.
Joe: You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack. What? You don't all wear a poop sack? Damnit Bonnie! You lied to me about the poop sack!

You're in a lot of trouble, Griffin, you mother f***er!

James Woods

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes

Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there.
Brian: Okay.
(Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie)
Stewie: Brian, pick up. Over.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking. Over.
Brian: (sighs) What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Brian: No.
Stewie: Nooooo what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over.
Brian: Wait, If you haven't started feeding it, why'd ya ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that. Over.
Brian: I said why did ya ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it. Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now. Over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know, you're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what? You've got to finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it, my sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what, Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- wait a minute. I have to say over, even if the sentence ends with the word over?
Stewie: Ends with the word what, Brian? Over.
(the wire descends through the wall)
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what? Over.
Brian: Over! (yanks on the wire, pulling Stewie down with it)

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