Hetty: Isaac shall be mine!
Nigel: Over my dead body!

Flower: I have an idea! Sam could try them and describe them to us.
Thorfinn: Yes! Sam, please, in memory of my father, try the testicles.

Well, the truth is, the only thing Thor know about dating is what I learned on reality TV. But Thor can’t take Flower on hot air balloon trip or to a private concert with unknown country music star who’s label also owned by the network.


Flower: Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a regular 2-person date. I used to go on a lot of 3-person dates; some four. There was one date, I don’t have a totally accurate number for, but it was how ever many people could fit in a VW bus.
Thorfinn: Oh, Flower, we don’t have to…
Sasappis: She didn’t say no, Thor! She just said she’s nervous, and then shared some sort of road orgy.
Pete: There’s no way they were all wearing seatbelts...

Sam: Are you suggesting we Parent Trap them from beyond the grave?
Jay: I don’t like where this is heading.
Trevor: That is exactly what I’m suggesting!

Have you ever worn pants?


Pete: What do you mean, “liaison”?
Jenkins: I guess you’ll have to ask Nigel, won’t you? Let those lips tell you themselves what they’ve been up to.

Guest: Is that a human skull?
Jay: Of course it is.
Thorfinn: That probably end of “Bait to Plate.”

Sam: Okay, you all heard the man in the Atari shirt. I think we’ve got to give this a shot!
Hetty: And now one more of us is gonna die so that Jay feels heard.

Flower: Oh my god! You guys, Thor’s stuck in a ghost trap.
Trevor: Wait for it…
Flower: Oh my god! I’m in here with him.

Thorfinn: Oh! Big surprise! Coward man being coward.
Pete: If you’re so brave, why don’t you touch it?!
Thorfinn: You challenging Thor’s manhood?
Pete: From over here, yeah.
Thorfinn: Fine, I’ll touch it. Thor not afraid.

Freddie: Sam, Jay, in the time that I’ve been working here, I’ve noticed some disturbing things. It started with these strange, almost ethereal humming sounds I would hear every now and then.
Flower: I think he’s talking about you, Alberta!
Freddie: It was a like a singer warming up but kind of off-key.
Alberta: The hell it was!

Ghosts Quotes

Welcome to the Woodstone B and B!


Jay: Oh my God, Pete?!
Pete: Jay? You can see me?! Gadzukes, Jay, say yes.
Jay: I don’t believe it.
Pete: I don’t either. Bring it in big fella!
[Jay passes through Pete’s ghost form]