It's getting a little warm in here. Do you mind if we crack a window? Unless I've already done that with my head...

Mitchell [while blindfolded in the backseat of a speeding car]

Nobody's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume

Cam

Hey Cam, I heard a rumor that you keep flashing our guests.

Mitchell

Alex: Focus people, what does Uncle Mitchell like?
Haley: I don't know, gay things, right? What's a gay think you can think of?
Luke: Ha. He's married to it.

Mitchell: Wow remember when you dropped me off at summer camp? You barely slowed down the car.
Jay: You never had a condition that made it difficult to breathe.
Mitchell: I was a closeted gay kid at sports camp. I spent the week in mid-faint.

We agreed to tell Lily the about her mother together wearing calming earth tones and we agreed to tell her the truth!

Cameron

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Mitchell

Wait so you're telling me this call isn't coming from inside the house?

Phil

Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!

Mitchell

Jay: You're wearing a $10K watch and you haggling over 15 cents?
Guy: You live in this place and you can't let that 15 cents go?
Jay: Fine 35.
Guy: Can you break a 50?
Jay: Get out.

This is a place of business. She needs to throw a tarp over those bounce houses.

Jay

Cam: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rock star. I'm not proud of it.
Mitchell: You're kinda proud of it, you work it into a lot of conversations.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.