Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

Nick

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Nick

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

Nick

Should somebody ask you for a second napkin you just say, are you sure? Nine times out of ten they'll just back off and say thanks.

Schmidt

Save your groans for Bird Man!

Schmidt

I love you guys and uh, I'm gonna miss you, especially you Jebecka.

Coach

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

Jess: There he is! Mr. New York. Mr. Broadway. Happy last day, I made you this.
Coach: It's a bunch of pictures of you.
Jess: Well, I had to take the necessary precautions because the last time you left, you forgot who I was. You called me Jebecka.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

Nick

Coach: I need you to get harder Nick. Can you get harder for me?
Nick: What?
Coach: Do you need me to get hard with you?
Nick: I feel like you're not meaning to say what you're saying.
Coach: I'm talking about cleaning up.

If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

Winston

New Girl Quotes

I know this isn't gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach