Orange is the New Black
Fridays 8:00 PM on NetflixFavorite Orange is the New Black Quotes
Piper: Last few days, I'm a Gambino up in here.
Red: Yes, I have noticed that you talk with your hands more lately. What should I cook for your funeral? Pasta.
Judy King: You know, my daddy used to call me "Red."
Red: Really? That's sweet. My papa called me "solnyshko." It means little sun. But I've grown bigger and hotter since then, and he's dead.
Holy f*ck I wish we could put this shit on YouTube.
Pornstache
Alison: First of all, your name ain't Tova.
Cindy: I'm sorry?
Alison: Black people been naming their kids some crazy shit, but Tova ain't on the list. Unless the "V" is like a five or somethin'.
Cindy: It's Hebrew.
Alison: Please, you ain't no Jew.
Cindy: You want to say that again, bitch? Like you was born in Karachi.
Wake up Healy, girls like me, we don't go f*ck ignorant, pretentious men with lesbian obsessions. We go for hot, tall girls and we f*cking love it. So that leaves you on the outside with your sad, sad little life. So you don't get me ever! So go f*ck yourself!
Piper
Woah, that's not happening, and you don't just turn gay. You fall somewhere on a spectrum. It's like a Kinsey scale.
Piper
Oh my god, this is such a metaphor for their lives.
Soso
Frieda: I slept on it like you said, took a nice cold shower, did some of those breathing exercises.
Alex: And?
Frieda: I still think we should kill her.
I'm scared that I'm not myself in here and I'm scared that I am.
Piper
I was a demanding poochie. Do you guys tell us where we're going or do you hand out blindfolds when we land?
Piper
I think you are entirely too relaxed to be in this big, brown, sh*t-uation that we're in.
Lolly
Yoga Jones: You're probably used to having your asshole polished by everyone you meet.
Judy: Oh, maybe 80%, 85%.
