Maurice: He's still too human! Don't you remember how that felt?
Nikki: Thirsty and horny.

Claire: Can I ask you a personal question?
Nikki: Ask away, little human.
Claire: You're a vampire, don't try to deny it.
Nikki: Statement, not a question.

Maurice: It was nice meeting you to Nikki.
Nikki: It was nice. But Reginald is a big boy that can make his own decisions, and if you ever try and take him away from me again, it won't be such a pleasant chat next time.

Nikki: You're not afraid of me.
Claire: No.
Nikki: You should be.
Claire: I don't scare easy.

Claire: What did you do? You ruined everything!
Reginald: It doesn't matter.
Claire: Nikki was gonna help me! She was gonna turn me into a vampire so I can fight evil-
Reginald: Claire, stop! Look at me! Is this the life you want? How does getting turned look to you now? Because trust me -- it's not all it's worked up to be. It's blood and hunger, and you have no fucking idea what it feels like. And right now, the last thing that I need is a disappointed fangirl who didn't get fangs for Christmas.
Claire: Asshole.

Reginald: I have to tell you something.
Sarah: Oh!
Reginald: And brace yourself because I can't fully word what a shocker this is gonna be. But the thing I wasn't telling you? My big bold impossible secret is: I'm ki- I'm... a virgin!

Ashley: Falling in love is like being in a jumbo pot of love soup. All of its byproducts: fear, anxiety, obsession, giving a heart to your one true love... if you try and act out all of those emotions, including killing your romantic rival, all at once, you're going to end up alone and in jail.

Sarah: You want me to take dating advice from a monkey?
Ashley: A very satisfied monkey.

Maurice: No, stay away from Nikki! She's a killer!
Reginald: Understood, but maybe there's more to her than that! Everybody has a secret self just waiting to be revealed.
Maurice: No, Nikki's secret self is soaked in the blood of everyone she's killed. Okay? And that's enough blood to source the Nile!

Nikki: When my heart cracked open, I heard it crack.
Angela: Hearts don't crack.
Nikki: Mine did.

Sarah: Sometimes, I feel like it's a bit one-sided.
Maurice: How's that?
Sarah: I suppose we all have walls up, but Reginald has one giant wall. It's like there's something in the way of hoim being completely honest with me. I don't know what.

Maurice: I don't know whose more delusional: the unhinged assassin or the woman who thinks she can control her.
Angela: Mmm hypocrisy is crisp tonight!

Reginald the Vampire Quotes

Reginald: I had the weirdest dream last night.
Maurice: Oh you're not dreaming.
Reginald. Right... right I know what's happening here! I'm still dreaming.

Maurice: I can fix this, Reggie, but I can't do it without your sayso. The decision has to be yours.
Reginald: Decide?
Maurice: That's right. Decide to die now, a few moments early.
Reginald: Why would I do that?
Maurice: So I can save you.