Resident Alien
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on SyFyResident Alien Quotes
D'Arcy: You gotta do something. You're an alien. I just watched you climb a wall. Don't you have any other special powers? Even ET could levitate toys and shit.
Harry: He is so special! ET could fly a bicycle! ET had a flashlight for a finger! Do you know what it is like to be constantly compared to that waddling sex doll?
Here. Deputy Liv made you some lopsided muffins.
Mike [to Ben]
Mike: You gettin' a pool?
Ben: Uh, I don't know. Kate wants to sell the house. I thought maybe if I put in a pool, she'd want to stay.
Mike: Count me out. I don't swim in water somebody else is teabaggin'.
Ben: Uh, pretty sure we'd be wearin' bathing suits.
Mike: Shit. Water don't care! You wrap a teabag in a speedo and you put it in some water, you still gonna get a cup of tea that tastes like your nuts.
Is it too much to ask for to find an independent woman who only does what I want?
Mike
What's the alien word for screw-up? Or is it just Joseph?
Asta
There's six blueberries in one half and two blueberries in the other. Was your oven on its side? No, thank you.
Mike
There's a lot of confusing shit coming from over here, I'm going to be honest with you.
Mike
Working in a group like a human is not efficient. Yesterday, I spent half the day searching my email for data sequencing numbers, but all I found were fantasy football requests. If I'm going to defeat Joseph, I need to work alone like a real alien. So, I handled it exactly like a human worker would. I texted Jeff and asked him to tell the General I was sick.
Harry [to himself]
General: Why do you have a picture of a boy's chest?
Harry: Oh, that's my chest. I have been manscaping.
Liv [music blasting in the background]: Listen, that duffle bag belongs to the alien tracker's son. I found the information in a diary.
Mike: Who has diarrhea?
Liv: No! DIARY!
Mike: Diarrhea?
Liv: DIARY! And I found the name of the son's therapist. He lives in Utah, and, get this. He was murdered last night!
Mike: Damn! Things have taken a turn. No wonder you have diarrhea.
Harry: Joseph is a Grey alien here to destroy the planet.
Asta: What? And you let me go on a date with him?
Harry: Also, Judy pooper used your bathtub without permission! Can you believe her?
Other decisions are so big they affect the whole planet. I knew what I was doing when I told Asta to date Joseph, I was making the decision that the earth is more important than any one person, but what if that one person feels more important than anything? What if you love them so much you will choose what is best for them before what is best for an entire planet? If I am a superhero, Asta is my kryptonite.
Harry [to himself]
