Resident Alien
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on SyFyResident Alien Quotes
Harry: Joseph is a Grey alien here to destroy the planet.
Asta: What? And you let me go on a date with him?
Harry: Also, Judy pooper used your bathtub without permission! Can you believe her?
Liv [music blasting in the background]: Listen, that duffle bag belongs to the alien tracker's son. I found the information in a diary.
Mike: Who has diarrhea?
Liv: No! DIARY!
Mike: Diarrhea?
Liv: DIARY! And I found the name of the son's therapist. He lives in Utah, and, get this. He was murdered last night!
Mike: Damn! Things have taken a turn. No wonder you have diarrhea.
Working in a group like a human is not efficient. Yesterday, I spent half the day searching my email for data sequencing numbers, but all I found were fantasy football requests. If I'm going to defeat Joseph, I need to work alone like a real alien. So, I handled it exactly like a human worker would. I texted Jeff and asked him to tell the General I was sick.
Harry [to himself]
General: Why do you have a picture of a boy's chest?
Harry: Oh, that's my chest. I have been manscaping.
How do you ruin salmon? I mean, you basically just shine a flashlight on it, and it's done.
Ben
If a bullet hit this human heart, it would kill this body before I could turn back into an alien, then I would die, too.
Harry
Harry: I have a working theory that I would like to share with you with the aid of my assistant, Judy Pooper.
Judy: It's Cooper. Pooper's my butt.
Harry: Judy Cooter.
Judy: Co-Cooper. Cooter's my lady pocket.
I do not like this feeling of being almost dead. When I get a burnt potato in my hash browns, I put it to the side of my plate and ignore it. I will do the same with death. I feel better already.
Harry
Mike: Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they all killed 'em. Look at them rich people names. Troy Hendricks, Tanner Corrington. Sound like old money murderers who killed their way out of trouble. Their parents too busy buyin' yachts and wearin' visors to teach 'em right from wrong.
Liv: They probably wear belts that have whales and lobsters on them.
Mike: Ha! Just a bunch of generational wealth, privileged-as-hell, lacrosse-assed, pastel shorts, boat-shoe mothafuckas. Sorry about the swearin'.
Mike: I'm pretty sure I heard two distinct caliber gunshots.
Harry: That was me. I'm still celebrating. It's my birthday! [releases a popper]
D'Arcy: Yay, Harry.
Asta: [whispery] Woo hoo.
Detective Torres: You still haven't introduced yourself. I guess they don't have etiquette teachers here in Patience?
Mike: I'm Sheriff Mike Thompson, but you can call me Big Black.
Detective Torres: In that case, you can call me medium brown.
Liv: I'm Liv. I'm white.
Today is all about celebrating the man that I murdered and threw in the frozen lake. Ice seems appropriate.
Harry [internal]
