Favorite Scrubs Quotes
Laverne: I don't want a piece.
J.D.: Well you're the only one. Okay?
J.D.: Was the blond hair and the earring 'cause you were in a rock band or 'cause you loved pirates?
Dr. Cox: What?
J.D.'s Narration: Loved pirates! Just like me!
Dr. Cox: Kevin Casey? Holy cow, get outta Dodge! Te-tell me this, are you-are ya shaking hands nowadays?
Dr. Casey: Well, a lifetime of therapy... and a... whole lotta Zoloft... just so I can appropriately greet you, big guy!
Dr. Cox: Atta boy!
Dr. Casey: I do have a three-second limit.
Dr. Cox: Boy, who doesn't!
Dr. Casey: It's okay, you can say it.
J.D.(whispering): It's just that you're... you're a doctor with pretty severe OCD.
Dr. Casey: It's not a secret.
J.D.(whispering): I know. I always talk like this.
Dr. Casey: You're gonna have a hard time keeping that up the whole month I'm here.
J.D.(whispering): I can do it!
Dr. Casey(whispering): I believe in you!
Dr. Casey: Dr. Kevin Casey... Dr. Kevin Casey... You know, at my hospital, they don't make you sign forms if you wanna cut open sick people - you just have to bring your own... knifey thingie...
Carla: "Scalpel".
Dr. Casey: That's the word!
J.D.'s Narration: I was excited for Turk. And, God bless him, he was excited about my big hair news!
Turk: New wax did that?
J.D.: I couldn't believe it either!
Carla: New wax did that?
Elliot: I couldn't believe it either!
Carla: Oh. Ye-oh, sorry about the girl talk.
J.D.: Oh, that's fine. We were talking man talk... you know...
Turk: Really big trucks...
J.D.: Solo-Flex...
Dr. Wen: The Todd here used to be our number one lap-chole guy. But the torch has been passed.
Turk: Thank you, sir! Dude! Yo, wait till you hear this! Dr. Wen just said that I'm their number one lap-chole guy now!
Dr. Wen: Disappointed?
Todd: I shoulda waited till there was a chick around to make that "x-box" joke, you know?... He knows...
J.D.: I just want you to check out Mrs. Barlow's chart; I'm always second-guessing myself when it comes to interstitial lung diseases.
Dr. Cox: Oh, then you should definitely handle this yourself, there, Britney. I'm going with female pop stars today. The point is that back when I was a resident, I had all sorts of trouble with metabolic diseases. You know what I did? I grabbed every case I could get my hands on until I had it down pat.
J.D.: Got it... You really had trouble with metabolic diseases?
Dr. Cox: Noo... I'm a good doctor.
J.D.'s Narration: Everyone here thinks they know me inside and out.
Female Staffer: You look like you could use some help.
J.D.: Nope.
J.D.'s Narration: Even random people.
Male Staffer: You need help, Dr. Dorian?
J.D.: No thanks, Dr... whatever your name is.
J.D.'s Narration: They won't leave me alone.
Doctor: Free help, here.
J.D.: Piss off, Mickhead.
Carla: Um, what's up with the oatmeal today?
Dr. Cox: Too much milk.
Carla: No.
Dr. Casey: Not enough butter.
Carla: That's it!
Dr. Cox: Did you just diagnose the oatmeal? You can't just go sniff and diagnose the oatmeal.
Jordan: He just did. Kevin, are you single?
Dr. Casey: Yeah. Why, are you?
Jordan: I'm thinking about it.
Carla: Heh. Yeah, me too.
Dr. Cox: What-what in the hell... just happened? Just... J-What just happened!?
I believe the word you're looking for is 'holy crap'.
Dr. Casey
J.D.'s Narration: I think when rational men are forced to face their shortcomings they all do the same thing: Blame Kevin Casey! Who gave him the right to judge me? 'Cause I sure didn't! I'll give him a piece of my mind!
