Favorite Scrubs Quotes
Elliot: These heated seats are amazing. They make my butt tingle.
Dan: And every time you say that, an angel gets their wings.
Elliot: So, uh, why'd you drive someone else's car across country?
Dan: It is a great way to make three hundred bucks.
Elliot: What do you do that you could take that kind of time off?
Dan: I tend bar.
J.D.: But not just like any bar - it's like "The Bar". It's like, when all the college kids come home from Thanksgiving, it's like where everybody goes. I go there when I'm home.
Elliot: So you still live in your home town?
Dan: Yeah, I kinda take care of my mom's place, so she lets me stay with her.
J.D.: Well, Dan, you don't stay with her. I mean, come on, it-it-it-he's not like Greg Brady living in the attic with beads for a door. I mean... he totally has his own space. More like... uh, Kirk Cameron in the last season of 'Growing Pains', when he lived above the garage with Boner? Anyone? Am I the only one? Boner?... No?
Elliot: So, uh, you going to lunch with your brother?
J.D.: Yeah, I... well, you know, I would've invited you, but I already made the reservation for two.
Elliot: So call and change it to three.
J.D.: Ohh, I'm not gonna mess with that hostess. You know, she uses sharp tones.
Dr. Kelso: Now if any of you other would-be revelers get the urge to dress up on this, the mother of all non-holidays, please consider me the razor blade in your caramel apple. We're professionals, dammit! You know... it's nothing personal, son... you just make me sick.
Doug: He called me son! He called me son!
J.D.: Score.
Dr. Kelso: Finally, can anyone tell me the dermatologic condition associated with rhinophyma... Dr. Murphy?
Doug: Uh, could it be... psoriasis?
Dr. Kelso: And yet further proof that the clown costume is redundant.
Dr. Cox: You stood up for what you believe in, and I respect that.
Turk: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: Twenty bucks says you kill him.
Turk: You're on!
Dr. Cox: God, I hate Halloween!
Carla: Somebody needs to adjust their attitude if they want some candy.
Dr. Cox: You mean the popcorn balls and the deformed lollipos? I mean, honestly, where do you get this crap anyway?
Laverne: I made it! If you want name-brand candy, my fist is packed with peanuts!
Dan: So, while I'm here, we should play some frisbee golf, we should... maybe give dad a call... Dad. Oh, we should definitely make sure I sleep with that Elliot chick.
J.D.: That's a little weird for me 'cause... I don't know if you'd know this or not, but... we used to be intimate.
Dan: Int-inimate? What'd you do, bathe her?
J.D.: Yeah, once... but she was wearing a swimsuit.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Ghandi. For your information, I attended that poor vegetable's funeral every single time I set foot in his room over the last six weeks. Thank God the family finally moved him over to Surgery, where you guys were good enough to help him kick that nasty oxygen habit he had once and for all.
Turk: Oh, that's great - make jokes. You know, I wish I could be an insensitive, cynical robo-doc like you, but unfortunately, I don't hate the world enough. You know what I'm saying, chief?
Elliot: Yeah, I thought I was gonna be cool in high school for like five minutes, but then my dad made me play the tuba in the marching band and I developed massive forearms. Halfway through the prom, my silk gloves exploded off me like I was the Incredible Hulk.
Dan: You know I think it's sexy to dance with a woman who can lift her partner over her head.
J.D.: You need to understand, Elliot, Dan wasn't just the captain of every team - he was like the mayor of our high school. The jocks dug him, the burn-outs dug him, the nerds, like, worshipped him!
Elliot: What about you?
Dan: He mentioned the nerds.
J.D.: See, why hurt me?
J.D.: Why are you here?
Carla: Oh, uh, Room 310's test came back negative, I thought you might want to give him the good news.
Dan: Let me do it.
J.D.: What?
Dan: I can totally be a doctor.
J.D.: I can't let you tell him!
Dan: I won't call you Bambi anymore.
