Favorite Scrubs Quotes
Carla: You know, Hector told me he's worked for Dr. Kelso for twenty years. That's half his life. I mean, I know he looks 50, but that's what being in the sun all day does to your skin.
Dr. Cox: Right, right.
Carla: The point is, it doesn't seem like he hates Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: Say... Say, Bobbo... Is it possible that you're occasionally a decent human being in your life outside of this place?
Dr. Kelso: Well, champ, seeing as you don't exist in my life outside this place, I doubt it's any of your damn business.
J.D.: Look, Turk, I heard the message that your brother left on the machine. I want you to know, if there's anything I can do to make your whole wedding go smoother, just tell me. Even if it's stepping down from being best man.
Turk: The only reason I asked my brother to be best man was because I knew he couldn't come to the wedding. But now his plans have changed and he's all excited. Dude, it has to be you, you know that.
J.D.'s Narration: It's always uncomfortable when two guys wanna say something each other.
J.D.: Look, you've been my best friend for ten years, man; I've loved you since college, and you know I'd do anything for you.
Turk: Dude, look, man, you're my friend and I frickin' love you; and no one's looked out for me like you have. Cool.
J.D.: Solid... You know, if it makes it easier, I guess we could be co-best men.
Turk: You have no idea how much stress that would relieve.
J.D.: Even though... God said it's supposed to be one...
Turk: With Marbury, I really believe New York has a shot at the title, man.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
Turk: Which sport are we talking about?
J.D.: I wanna say tennis...
Dr. Kelso: Hector's wife just set my drapes on fire with her damn prayer candle!
Carla: He's here!
Dr. Kelso: I want them both out of my office!
Carla: Sir, there's a ton of empty beds right here. All you have to do is flick the switch.
Dr. Cox: You know how to do that, don't you, Bob? You just bend over... and flick.
Elliot: I need help.
Dr. Cox: I know you do, sweetie, but here I'm plum out of hair scrunchies. Now scram, princess, we're waiting for somebody.
J.D.: But look, if you need help, I'm always here for you.
Elliot: All right, see, with intubating... I can't seem to intubate patien-
J.D.: There's Turk. I gotta go.
Elliot: Look, I don't wanna sound pathetic, but, he didn't even help me.
J.D.: He didn't help a lot of people, Elliot. It was just me, and Turk, and Carla, and Dr. Cox, and Doug, and Dr. Mickhead-
Elliot: Mickhead? No, Mickhead's in rehab.
J.D.: Was in rehab, Elliot. Was. He'll never huff paint again.
Watching Kevin go, I wondered how gay I looked giving that two-handed handshake.
J.D.'s Narration
J.D.: Cool. I'll see you tomorrow.
Dr. Casey: Uh, actually, no. I got a call - I have to go back to my hospital.
J.D.: Why? Why do you have to do that?
Dr. Casey: Well, look at it this way: Uh, I may be leaving here, but I will always be there. (points at J.D.'s heart)
J.D.: I know.
Dr. Casey: I am so messing with you!
J.D.: Dr. Casey! Have you seen Turk?
Dr. Casey: Oh, yeah, nice guy... good surgeon... great dancer.
J.D.: You should see us gettin' down when we try pants on together.
Dr. Casey: Yeah-heh. I have to go.
Hector(Translated from Spanish): I hope I'm not causing Dr. Kelso any trouble.
Carla(Translated from Spanish): Oh, screw him, he ate your sandwich.
Ted: I forget. Is that "kill him" or "screw him"?
Carla/Hector: "Screw him."
Ted: Awwww.
Dr. Kelso: I can't even think straight with this incessant whispering. It's like a Spanish golf tournament in here!
Carla: I'm sorry, Dr. Kelso, but I'm trying to get their lunch orders!
Dr. Kelso: Oh, that reminds me. Hector, Enid made you a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich, but I... uh... well, there was a misunderstanding and now it's gone.
