J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

J.D. [to Cox]: you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla.
Carla: No, he's not.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am.
Carla: You're starting again.
J.D.: And Carla, you're mad that Turk didn't trust you enough to tell you.
Turk: See? Trust, woman, trust!
J.D.: Whatever. The point is that Turk is sorry.
Turk: Not anymore!
Carla: I can't believe you thought he was a threat.
Dr. Cox: I'm a threat!
Carla: You're not in love with me, you idealize me.
J.D.: Can we just try and stay focused...
Turk: You're mad 'cause I'm scared of losing you?
Carla: Yes, because we're stronger than that!
Dr. Cox: Apparently not!

Paul: Please don't do this.
Elliot: Do what?
Paul: The whole drama queen thing.
Elliot: The jerky incident is exactly what is wrong with our relationship, Paul!
Paul: Thank you.

J.D.: Oh...well...yeah...hmm...ok! Death is like a journey. A...a journey in a boat. Then this giant light shines down on your...your boat and carries you up to the Heavens.
Dr. Hedrick: That was the ending to "Cocoon"!

Murray: I can't believe you got cake! The guy said they didn't have any.
J.D.: Just do what I told you to do.
Murray stretches, pushing his chest out.
Glen: Sweets for the sweet.
Murray: Thank you... Glen.

Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!

Danni

Those are beautiful antlers.

J.D.

Jake: Wow, this Body Heat's a sexy movie, huh?
J.D.: Mmm. Doesn't Kathleen Turner have dynamite nerps?
Elliot: Yeah.

Dr. Kelso: Perry: your lips, my ass.. they should meet.

Turk: Hey! Hey, Baby! What's up? You know, I've been thinking: that was a lot of fun working together.
Carla: Mm-hmmmm. And how long you been thinking about that?
Turk: Ever since Dr. Wen offered me a gastric bypass because I was so amazing yesterday, and I realized you're the reason why.

Elliot: Jordan. You're on the board, what is the story on my patient Mr. Summers?
Jordan: Well Stick, I'm going to warn you the same way I warn Perry every time I have more than three scotches. Prepare to have your ass grabbed!
Elliot: That's disturbing in like... eight different ways.

J.D.: Hey Todd, will do you do me a favor and sit on this?
The Todd: Dude or chick? Wait, don't tell me. I'm fine either way.

Scrubs Quotes

Lucy: If you want to keep sleeping with me I expect you to have my back.
Turk: God, you have so many rules. Get back, listen to you when you talk, stay out of your purse. Damn girl, quit playing games.

J.D.: Should we get out of here?
Molly: D'you think you can handle it?
J.D.: No. But you won't know until after.