All day sucker my ass. Try twenty minutes.

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

I'm actually going to return those pants. They were skinny jeans and I couldn't pull them off. Literally. Took me like an hour to get them off.

Drew

Danni: You know what I was thinking?
J.D.: Nobody cares, Danni.

J.D.: Anyway, about this whole setting the date thing: I mean, I'm really psyched for you guys, it's just gonna be harder and harder for us to hang out, you know? I mean, you're gonna be married, man! You're gonna have, like, a house! You know? You're gonna be spending your weekends chasing around little Arturo and Rosaria!
Turk: You mean Tamika and Fuquan?
J.D.: You should... talk to Carla...

J.D.: Look the point is, think of the millions of times you chose to not to hang out with your wife, 'cause you were trying to hang out with me. You know, maybe it's time you started acting like a real husband, instead of acting like some sort of crazy... cowboy.
Turk: A cowboy?
J.D.: I don't know, it just came to me.

Ketchup is for winners, Ted!

Dr. Kelso

Hot Female Doctor: You know doctor, I'm getting a little tired of your sexual innuendo.
Todd: ...In your endo.

That's a cute couple. I give 'em a week.

Dr. Cox

J.D.'s Narration: I think it's human nature to search for answers.
Turk: Dude. Why is your tux gonna cost four thousand dollars?
J.D.: No reason.

Denise: You called me Joe?
J.D.: Do you not like that as a new nickname?
Denise: Just a little butch, I like banging dudes.. so...
J.D: I heard that's nice

Scrubs Quotes

Turk: With Marbury, I really believe New York has a shot at the title, man.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
Turk: Which sport are we talking about?
J.D.: I wanna say tennis...

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?