Popular Scrubs Quotes
J.D.: Dr. Cox; I got, uh, Will's CT results back. No cancer! So, uh, what should I tell him?
Dr. Cox: I'd open with that
Maggie: I guess I was just waiting for someone special, and now I feel like I've missed out on one of the fundamental experiences of life for no good reason, you know?
Carla: Is there anything we can do?
Maggie: Don't people sometimes pay for sex?
Elliot: Oh, boy, do they. I slept with Jenny Johnson's older brother in high school, and then he decided to tell all of his friends what my orgasm face looked like. Then three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos! Paid for that one for years.
Carla: Elliot, I think she means pay money for sex.
Elliot: Oh, I got a story about that, too - not about me, though, my mom... She gets lonely.
Elliot: You know that guy that crashed this morning is doing great?
Dr. Cox: Oh, Barbie. Maybe you could take a break from congratulating yourself and figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Kasuba over there, seeing as you're her doctor and she's been in the I.C.U. for three days.
Elliot: We're, um, running lots of tests.
Dr. Cox: Tests? Oh, goody! And what exactly will you be looking for? And if it's the slowest doctor in the hospital, then ding! ding! ding! ding! I already found her.
J.D.: That was good, Kevin! We should-we should make him, like, make dinner for us tonight. He could be our own personal slave!
Kevin: Our own personal what, now?
J.D.: Oh, no, I don-I don't mean like that kind of slave.
Kevin: Well, how 'bout this: How 'bout he be the house slave, and I be the field slave. That sound like fun to you?
J.D.: That-that wouldn't be fun...
Turk: What's going on?
Kevin: I forgot how much fun it was messing with Alfalfa!
Alright listen up and listen good. I will kill anyone who tells Carla. And that includes you Mrs. London. I will save your life and take it away.
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn thirty. I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then.
Dr. Cox: Maybe you could swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes?
J.D.: Haven't you used that joke like a trillion times?
Dr. Cox: I'm okay with it.
J.D.'s narration: And then we saw something amazing. Dr. Cox said something nice to Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start.
Guy: So, what do you do?
Elliot: Oh, I work at a hospital. I'm a resident, which is actually still kind of like a student. Well, not a student as in, like, dorm rooms and pizza runs and crazy, drunken kissing parties - which I know for a fact still go on in Radiology - but more of a student in the sense that-
J.D.: Excuse me. Dude, she's got a boyfriend.
Guy: Thanks, man.
Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toliet paper, or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!
Dr. Kelso
J.D.'s Narration: With the long hours at a hospital, you don't have time to worry about your appearance. It may sound sexist, but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable.
J.D.: Hey, Janice. Is it windy out?
Janice: No. Why do you always ask me that!?
J.D.: Because I'm-I'm captain of m-m-my kite-flying team? The M-m-mighty Kites?
He turns back to see a couple more unkempt female physicians.
J.D.'s Narration: Agh! Okay, just say something innocuous.
J.D.: Good morning, gentlemen.
Well, it seems I've stumbled into the "time-well-spent" ward. Back to your cage, Ted.
Dr. Kelso
Elliot: Just because I occasionally say something stupid doesn't mean I'm in the hospital going door to door annoying people, like some crazed Jehovah's Witness. Oh. You're not?
Turk: No. But my mother is.
J.D.: He's black, too. You should tease him about that
