Scrubs Season 5 Episode 4: "My Jiggly Ball" Quotes
(To Turk) You'd make a pretty girl.
J.D.
J.D.: (To Carla) You knew she worked here? I can't believe you kept a secret. Remember before your wedding when you sold me out to Turk?
Carla: You showed up drunk at my shower screaming through tears that I'd never be as emotionally connected to him as you are!
J.D.: Turk knew I was joking.
J.D.'s narration: Because we're so emotionally connected.
Turk: Elliot, nobody respects clinic doctors.
Elliot: Really, Turk? I think your hernia patient does.
Turk: (Laughs) I'm not upset about that.
Carla: It's obvious you are.
J.D.: It's more obvious to me baby...I mean Turk.
Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally, but I'm having him spend the rest of the day checking that counter-top's heartbeat.
Dr. Cox
Over the next few weeks, I couldn't help but think about what I had planned to say in my speech and about how pride define who we are. As far as Bob Kelso goes, I know sometimes even the good things he does are for the wrong reasons. Still, I also know that I wouldn't want to have to make any of the decisions that he makes. But when all is said and done, I'd like to think he does care a little even if he's too proud to show it.
J.D.'s Narration
Did I say he wanted a long introduction? Because Kelso just, he just likes when people say his name. Hope you didn't obsess too much about that, Newbie.
Dr. Cox
Elliot: I'm proud? Carla! After the wedding, you wouldn't even take Turk's name!
Carla: I use it for official things!
Elliot: Letting him call you Mrs. Turk in the bedroom isn't official.
Turk: But it is officially hot!
J.D.: Guys, why?
Carla: The Janitor told us that if we pretended to know about Jiggly Ball, we get to throw tennis balls at you.
Turk: And I couldn't pass it up, dude!
Elliot: I got my shift covered! Heh!
J.D.: I could see where it would be funny from the outside of the circle...
Dr. Cox: What really bothers me is that you can look in there at John Morrison, a guy you essentially gave a death sentence to...and just not care.
Dr. Kelso: It's not my job to care, Perry.
Turk: Baby, she said she doesn't want to be helped.
Carla: If J.D. were drowning and he told you he didn't want you to save him, wouldn't you do it?
Turk: That depends. What if there're hot chicks at the pool? Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him?
Carla: Let's say there's no women.
Turk: There's always women at the pool, baby!
Carla: Fine. He's in a pond.
J.D.: Oh, I would never swim in a pond! They're infamous for serpents!
Turk: You could swim at the Y on Tuesdays - men only.
J.D.: Have you been to the Y on man night? Not me.
Carla: N-okay-fine! Turk's the one who's drowning!
Turk: Oh! So now a brother can't swim!
J.D.: Can you believe Elliot's working in a free clinic?
Dr. Cox: Who?
J.D.: Dr. Reid?
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, that's just not ringing a bell.
Carla: She and J.D. used to sleep together.
Dr. Cox: "J.D."?
J.D.: That's not even funny!
Dr. Cox: Priscilla, I honestly, on my mother's grave, thought your real name was Carol.
J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, this intro is killing me. Have you seen Kelso?
Dr. Cox: Nope! But, our new patient, Mr. Franks, in here is crazy rich, so I'd imagine Big Bob will be here momentarily to make love to his moneyclip.
Janitor: You're a bit of a know-it-all, aren't you.
J.D.: Well, I know a lot.
Janitor: Yeah? Who was Deep Throat?
J.D.: Mark Felt, the FBI guy. That's been all over the news for months.
Janitor: Oh, sorry, rich boy. My TV doesn't get the news. Just the Bible channel and some kind of Chinese boxing.
