Scrubs Season 5 Episode 4: "My Jiggly Ball" Quotes
J.D.: You know, Laverne, I'm a doctor. So I'm not really gonna take my psychological evaluations from someone who dispenses them in between watching Maury and eating a corn muffin.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, that was too mean. Apologize.
J.D.: Laverne, I...
J.D.'s Narration: Aw, the hell with it. She's not gonna forgive you - go for broke!
J.D.: I was watching CNN earlier. Apparently the terror alert in your armpits has been elevated to orange.
Look, if you get up there and start kissing Kelso's ass, all your fellow attendings will forever think of you as a brown-nosing toady. On the other hand, if you don't pucker up, Kelso will make your life a living hell. You're officially trapped.
Dr. Cox
Janitor: Now, anyone who caught a jiggle rebound may step up to the death line!
Laverne: I want you to think of this as a corn muffin.
Janitor: As it happens, we're heading out right now to play some Jiggly Ball. Are you in?
J.D.'s Narration: Just say no!
J.D.: Jiggle me in.
J.D.: Can I talk to you for a second?
Janitor: No. I'm busy cleaning... Haha... That one always kills.
Dr. Cox: Anyway, I just wanted to introduce you to our Chief of Medicine.
Mr. Morrison: Sir, I can't tell you how well everyone's treating me.
Dr. Kelso: That's what we're here for!
Dr. Cox: You, uh, you forgot to tell him you were bumping him from the drug trial.
Dr. Kelso: I've got work to do, Perry.
Turk: It's true, Mr. Keck, you could probably get by without the surgery. But why would you? I'm the smartest, most skilled surgeon in this place!
Mr. Keck: Are you stuck in that candy machine?
Turk: I paid for my Rollos, I'm getting my Rollos!
Carla: So anyways, we figured if I offered to do the nursing schedules, and these guys volunteered to do extra shifts at the clinic, Dr. Kelso might give you your job back!
Elliot: No, thanks.
Carla: Why?
Fantasy
Elliot: Carla, I can't do your paperwork, I am swamped!
Carla: I got you your job back.
Cut to...
Elliot: Turk, I am not giving you my last tater-tot!
Turk: I got you your job back!
Cut to...
Elliot: J.D.! I don't care if they're able to successfully attach one person's limbs onto another person's body - I am not giving you my hands!
J.D.: Job back!
J.D.: Dr. Bailey was fired last night.
Carla: Why?
Flashback
Dr. Bailey: For this procedure, I'm going to have to numb you... (Clicks on his pen light and stares at the female patient's chest) Num, num, num, num, num, num, num!
End Flashback
Turk: You know, in Dr. Bailey's defense-
Carla: No, no, no, no.
J.D.: There have been times-
Carla: No.
Elliot: Look, I know this place isn't the greatest, but it's not like I lie awake thinking about being yelled at by Dr. Cox or playing Jiggly Ball with the orderlies.
J.D.'s Narration: How do I not know about this game!?
(His entire right hand is moving) Guys, I think there might be something wrong with my spine, because I'm not doing that!
</i> J.D.
J.D.'s Narration: Even though I had no clue what I was gonna say, Elliot's attitude inspired me to go introduce the hell out of Bob Kelso.
J.D.: Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Bob Kelso is a-
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Dr. Dorian! Thank you so much for this award. Delighted to see you all...
