Lip: It'd be funny if he actually showed up.
Fiona: And what? Pretended to reach into his pocket?

It's my traditional right to ask said patriarch pay for it.


Customer: Where's my change?
Svetlana: In tip jar.
Customer: I didn't ask to tip $5.
Svetlana: Exactly.

Gus: See you at two.
Fiona: Wouldn't miss it.

Lip: There's some girls that look like dudes.
Ian: I'll pass.

Debbie: Where's your house?
Queenie: My tent's right up there.
Debbie: Your tent?

Caleb: I'm HIV positive.
Ian: I have bipolar.

I just got us the house back. I'm not getting booted out.


Sean: Does Frank still have that hippy over there?
Fiona: Yeah, doing who knows what.

No mass murders kids!


You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.


Hey Drew, I want that delivery here in an hour. If not, somebody's going to get docked.


Shameless Quotes

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

We’re all addicts Fiona, trying to fill a void. Some of us are just better at hiding it, right?