Lip: It'd be funny if he actually showed up.
Fiona: And what? Pretended to reach into his pocket?

It's my traditional right to ask said patriarch pay for it.


Customer: Where's my change?
Svetlana: In tip jar.
Customer: I didn't ask to tip $5.
Svetlana: Exactly.

Gus: See you at two.
Fiona: Wouldn't miss it.

Lip: There's some girls that look like dudes.
Ian: I'll pass.

Debbie: Where's your house?
Queenie: My tent's right up there.
Debbie: Your tent?

Caleb: I'm HIV positive.
Ian: I have bipolar.

I just got us the house back. I'm not getting booted out.


Sean: Does Frank still have that hippy over there?
Fiona: Yeah, doing who knows what.

No mass murders kids!


You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.


Hey Drew, I want that delivery here in an hour. If not, somebody's going to get docked.


Shameless Quotes

When you're poor, the only way to make money is to steal it or scam it.


We’re all addicts Fiona, trying to fill a void. Some of us are just better at hiding it, right?