Chief Running Water: Kid, I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native Americans refer to as, 'Bear with Wiiide Canyon.'
Cartman: What do you mean?
Chief Running Water: She is, 'Doe who cannot keep legs together.'
Cartman: Huh??
Chief Running Water: Your mom's a slut.

Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Nope. He's gay.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Narrator: Is it Jimbo?
Jimbo: Daaagh!
Narrator: Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Huh?! Where?!
Narrator: Or could it be Ned?
Ned: Could be.
Narrator: Or Mr. Broflovski??
Kyle: Dad, how could you?!
Narrator: Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
Cartman: What?! Son of a bitch!!

Chef: Boy, what the fudge are you doing?
Cartman: You know just layin' down some rhymes, with the G-folk, know what I'm sayin'
Chef: Get in here!
Cartman: West siy-eede.

Ms. Crabtree: COME ON!!! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!!!
Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch".
Ms Crabtree: Oh. Alright then... (drives away)
Kyle: Whoa dude.
Stan: I always wondered if that would work.

Don't feel too bad there, kid; I never knew who my father was, either. I mean, I did know who he was, and we had some great times together hunting and fishing... Well, hell, you know what I mean!


Mr. Hat, you need to admit you have a drinking problem. (to waiter) Another cosmo, please.

Mr. Garrison

Stan: Oh my god! They videotaped killing Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!

Chief Running Water: (Narrating the flashback) I knew she wanted me because she kept saying romantic things.
Young Liane: Oh, Chief. I want your hot man chowder.
Young Chief: Whoa! Hello!

I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' So I kicked him squ-ah in the nuts until he cried like Nancy Kerrigan.


Kyle: Wait, isn't there some rule about not getting to cars with strangers?
Cartman: No, not when money's involved stupid!

Barbra Streisand: I'm Barbra Streisand!!
Stan: So.
Barbra Streisand: So!...well...So i'm a very famous and very important individual!
Stan: Like John Elway important?!
Barbra Streisand: What!
Stan: Do you know John Elway?
Barbra Streisand: No!
Stan: Oh, so you're really famous and important, but you don't know John Elway...

Guy on the Pony: Thanks Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a triangular object
Kyle: Well I was just digging around, and I was like 'dude! i found the triangle!' and my friends were all like 'dude' and I was all 'dude'...

South Park Season 1 Quotes

Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No kitty, this is my pot-pie.
Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No KITTY, THIS IS MY POT-PIE! MOM! Kitty's being a dildo!
Liane Cartman: Well then, I know a certain kitty-kitty whose sleeping with mommy tonight.
Cartman: What?

Wendy: Ms.Ellen, can I talk to you?
Ms. Ellen: Of course Wendy.
Wendy: I can't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend Stan.
Ms. Ellen: Well I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so young and cute and full of life...
Wendy: Can I tell you something Ms. Ellen?
Ms. Ellen: Of course Wendy.
Wendy: Don't f*** with me!
Ms. Ellen: (surprised) What?
Wendy: You heard me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I'll whoop your sorry little ass back to last year! (gets off the seat & walks away) Bye, Ms. Ellen.