Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?

The knee bone's connected to the something. The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

Dr. Nick

All the good men are either gay or have no face.

Waitress

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?

Superintendent Chalmers: You're fired!
Principal Skinner: I'm sorry, did... did you just call me a liar?
Superintendent Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Principal Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.

I traded away my pearls. Without them I'm just a big Maggie.

Lisa

Queen Elizabeth: I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum. Reminds me of my boy.
Prince Charles: Oh, mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.

Kent: Homer, organised labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Homer: AAAAHH!
Kent: Um, my director is asking me not to talk to you anymore.
Homer: Woohoo!

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

Homer

Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.

Ned

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Labor Inspector: This plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
Mr. Burns: That plane crashed on my property!