The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite The Simpsons Quotes
Marge: Hey, parents are allowed to keep some secrets.
Homer: Yeah, like which kid's their favorite. (whispering) It's Lisa.
(Flashback)
Homer: You know, these Ikea foam futons do velcro together . . .
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't want to do that yet. I want to wait until I'm married, or at least really drunk.
Lisa: Mom! I didn't know you went to college!
Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me!
(Marge enters Professor Stephan's library.)
Marge: Have you really read all these books?
Professor Stephan: Morally I couldn't display them on my shelves if I hadn't. But I watch sports as well, just like a regular man.
(Professor Stephan turns out the TV to a football game.)
Professor Stephan: Good goddess! The Patriots are deep in Redskin territory. This isn't entertainment, it's genocide! (Sobs)
(The Simpsons are all huddled up near the fireplace.)
Marge: We wouldn't be in this trouble if you just paid the heating bill!
Homer: I thought global warming would take care of it it. Al Gore can't do anything right.
I can't believe I got in. It's like a dream come true! An expensive dream. (Sighs)
Marge
(Marge looks at letter saying that the annual cost for the college is $3000.)
Marge: There is a part of our past that we haven't told you kids about. A turbulent part.
Bart: Come on. More turbulent than now?
Lisa: We're in every kind of therapy!
Homer: Things happened between your mother and me that we're not proud of. It was the middle of a wild decade known as the 1990's.
Bart: The '90s? Never heard of it.
(narrating) I had finally realized every rock star's dream. Hating being famous.
Homer
Marge: Did you know that every U.S. president has been a straight white man?
Homer: Even Walt Disney?
Homer: You applied to college? Why didn't you tell me?
Marge: I did tell you.
Homer: I thought you were telling me you wanted to apply yourself to making a collage! And as I recall, I was against it.
Franklin Roosevelt: To deal with the menace of Bonnie and Clyde, I'm recalling all our air defense forces from Pearl Harbor.
(Crowd cheers)
Franklin Roosevelt: Somebody please remind me to move them back.
Japanese Ambassador: I would be honored to perform that duty.
Dang it! I wanted to know what else was bullocks!
</i> Rich Texan
