The Simpsons
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Now that it's empty, who's gonna buy their house? What if someone moves in with two Barts? Or four teenage Barts?
Marge
Wow, for free! Surplus drums of mayonnaise from operation "Desert Storm!"
Homer
(Krusty Burger in the middle of the sea)
Guy: We tried to tell you these are unmanned oil rigs.
Krusty: Ah, close the damn thing down, no one's ever going to come.
Homer: (bursts in door) Give me 700 Krusty Burgers!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Do you want fries with that?
(Homer digs into a big pile of burgers)
Bart: You did it, Dad! You saved us!
Homer: (mouth full) Go away. Eating.
They revamped this ride because of massive complaints from two people.
Lisa
Marge: What are you doing?
Homer: I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?
Homer: Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...
Bart: Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!
Lisa: Does either of you know what incontinent means?
Homer: Lisa, don't spoil our fun.
After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole.
Nelson
Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?
Bob: You ever known a siren to be good? (Chuckles) No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind, telling me, "Sell the vehicle to this fella, and you're outta business." That's what the siren says.
If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they would have a tummy full of pocket garbage.
Marge
Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.
Lisa: I don't know what else to do.
Bart: There's only one thing we can do: Take advantage of the old guy. You gotta sign my report card, Dad.
Oh, what kind of erotic asphyxia?
Homer
Veterinarian: This is the part of the job I hate the most. (Tosses hampster into trashcan with mini-basketball hoop)
Homer: Hey, you did the best you could.
Veterinarian: I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well, the parrots can. Let's see what's wrong with this one.
Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen
