The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular The Simpsons Quotes
Marge: What are you doing?
Homer: I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?
Homer: Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...
Bart: Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!
Lisa: Does either of you know what incontinent means?
Homer: Lisa, don't spoil our fun.
After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole.
Nelson
Grampa: Eh, what are you, uh, doing tonight?
Bea: Sitting alone in my room.
Grampa: (Disappointed) Oh, well, if you've got plans already--
Ok Marge we can go to the circus, maybe I can finally find out why a man would think a stool is a proper defense against a lion.
Homer
Principal Skinner: You yell at me for everything.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well I cant yell at anyone else. Teachers have unions. Students have parents.
Principal Skinner: What about Willie?
Superintendent Chalmers: I like Willie.
Egg don't belong in a chicken's eye. It belongs in her pee-poo-birth-hole.
Cletus
(Principal Skinner treats Superintendent Chalmers to dinner at his home.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour, those string beans were cooked to perfection. After 20 years, I am finally starting to like you.
Principal Skinner: Just wait for dessert, sir. I made it with you in mind.
Superintendent Chalmers: Outstanding. I'll just shut my eyes and let you place it before me.
(Selma's erotic cake accidentally flies in through the window and lands on the table in front of Chalmers and Skinner and the two recoil in horror when they see it.)
Agnes: (from upstairs) Seymour! What's going on? I'm coming down there!
Superintendent Chalmers: Quick! We'll have to eat from each end. We'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle.
Bart: Well Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Homer: A+!? You don't think much of me do you, boy?
Bart: No, sir.
Homer: You know a D turns into a B so easily. You just got greedy.
McClure: Here's an appealing fellow. In fact, they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk.
Homer: Hehehe, It's funny cause I don't know him.
Krusty: (Laughs weakly) Well, we're still on... three hundred and forty- six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who--Who won't let me stop! (Delirious) Okay, now let's go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal over-the-counter wakeup drugs of his.
Audience: Yaaaaaay!
Man: Hello, I'm calling from Delinquent Accounts at Kumatsu Motors.
Homer: Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways. This is Tony Plow, you know, from Leave It To Beaver.... Yeah they were gay.
Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen
