Bart: Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina.
Homer: (In a feminine voice) Ooh, that would be delightfu--Quiet boy!

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such telethons as "Out with Gout '88" and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House."

Troy McClure

Marge: We can't trick these guys. They are highly trained professionals!
(Ruth turns off the car lights.)
Chief Wiggum: Oh my god, it just disappeared! (Gasp) It's a ghost car! (Slams on brakes) There are ghost cars all over these highways you know.
Homer: Hold me!
Chief Wiggum: Only if you hold me!

(Homer negotiates a baby-sitting rate with Lionel Hutz.)
Homer: We pay 8 dollars for the night and you can take 2 popsicles outta the freezer.
Lionel Hutz: Three.
Homer: Two.
Lionel Hutz: Okay, two and I get to keep this old birdcage!
Homer: Done!

Homer: Where are you going?
Marge: I don't know.
Homer: When will you be home?
Marge: I'm not sure.
Homer: Where are you going?
Marge: You already asked me that!
Homer: Will you bring me back something?

(Homer is reading the magazines at the Kwik-E-Mart.)
Apu: This is not a library!
(Homer goes to the library.)
Librarian: This is not a Kwik-E-Mart!

Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!


Oh, I'm uh.. on a road, uh.. looks to be asphelt. Um, ah geez, trees, shrubs um.... I'm directly under the earths sun... nnnow!


Marge: Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station!
Homer: Come on Marge, it's fun to smash things!

We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.


Marge: I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.
Homer: Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman!

Fireman with saw: Mr. Simpson there's no easy way to say this, were going to have to saw your arms off.
Homer: Awww, but they'll grow back won't they?
Fireman: Yeah, sure. They'll grow back.
Other Fireman: Are you just holding on to the can.
Homer: Yeah, why?

The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 6 Quotes

Ruth: I envy you and Homer.
Marge: Thank you. Why?
Ruth: If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer.
Marge: Your point being?

Hey, Mrs. Simpson, you should try one of these smart drinks! (Downs his drink) Oh, wow. I've wasted my life!