The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Quotes
Patty: Hello, Marge. It's Patty. Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our baby sister for Christmas Eve.
Marge: Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too.
(Homer makes a gagging noise.)
Patty: Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. Of all the men you could've married, I don't know why you picked one who is always so rude to us.
Bart: Ah, come on, Dad. This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us!
Homer: Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim?
Little Girl: I hope you feel better, Santa.
Homer: Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. Thanks for listenin', kid.
(At Santa training class, Homer tries to recall all the names of Santa's reindeer.)
Homer: Um, Dasher. Dancer.
Instructor: Mm-hmm.
Homer: Prancer.
Instructor: Mm-hmm.
Homer: Nixon. Comet...Cupid. Donna Dixon?
Instructor: Sit down, Simpson.
Homer: Bart, did you hear that? What a name! "Santa's Little Helper." It's a sign. It's an omen.
Bart: It's a coincidence, dad.
Ah, the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody...err...medley of holiday flavorites.
Principal Skinner
Principal Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol.
Homer: How many grades does this school have!?
When I grow up, you can buy an apartment building and make me a super.
Bart
Something you lost will soon turn up. My faith in the Lord! It came back!
Carl
If I was interested in fun, I would have ran the day you were born.
Homer [to Bart]
Homer: What should I buy first, a mirror that gives me advice or Hitler's baseball?
Mirror: My advice is to buy Hitler's baseball.
Let him go Lou, someone going that fast has no time for a ticket.
Chief Wiggum
