The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Quotes
Oh my god! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby and the baby puked, and a dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog!
</i> Apu
Bart: I might be able to stop them, but I need a schematic of Jimbo's house!
Lisa: Jimbo drew a couple pictures of his house in second grade, but I can't vouch for their accuracy. The teacher gave them a frowny face.
(On the phone) Lord, give me guidance... That's right, the guidance department. Thank you, Mrs. Lord.
Principal Skinner
Simpson! I'll teach you to make a Poupon me!
Principal Skinner
Teens? In Willie's hidey-hole? I'll mop up your blood from the inside!
Groundskeeper Willie
Jack Bauer: The following takes place between 2:34 p.m. and 3:04 p.m. Or maybe it's a.m. Whichever one is the morning one. Not that one.
Milhouse: Mr. Simpson I'm scared.
Homer: This is our life now Milhouse, we're dumpster folk!
Skinner: Okay, you have a deal, you conniving little (whispers in Bart's ear)
Bart: Wow, that's a swear!?
Skinner: Used as a noun, it is.
Now this crossword is nothing but swears.
Dolph
If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they would have a tummy full of pocket garbage.
Marge
Milhouse: Lisa, if I don't make it back, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.
Lisa: I've already read it.
Principal Skinner: We've all read it.
Jack Bauer: Bart Simpson, 12 minutes ago you made a very annoying prank phone call to me. I pulled every agent off of their assignment to track you down and bring you to justice. It was a tough call but I think I made the right one.
(nuke goes off)
(crowd gasps)
Jack Bauer: Don't worry. That was just Shelbyville.
(crowd sighs with relief)
