The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Quotes
Bart: You can read comics with us. Let's see...something for the lady. Ah, Radioactive Man vs. the Swamp Hog.
Samantha: Do you have any girl comics? Like Bonnie Craine, Girl Attorney, Punkin & Dunkin, The Twinkle Twins, or Lil' Kneesocks?
Bart: No, but my sister's got a wide selection of crappy comics.
Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.
Kent Brockman
Bart: Hey, what's with the skirt?
Milhouse: I've brought friends to this tree house before.
Bart: Yeah, but never a girl. What if I want to strut around nude?
Lisa: Dad, do you know what today is?
Homer: The vernal equinox?
Lisa: No! It's been two weeks since you got that tape. Let's get you on the scale!
(Homer gets on the scale)
You've gained thirteen pounds.
Homer: Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery! A pox on them!
(discards tape)
Mr. Stanky: Samantha, you're my little girl, and sometimes my imagination runs away with me. Just, just tell me what happened.
Samantha: Well Milhouse and I
Mr. Stanky: That's enough!
Bart: How would I go about creating a half-man half-apelike creature?
Edna: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God shmod! I want my monkey-man!
Bart: Otto, you are the coolest adult ever!
Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but I've been tried as one.
Patty: When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me; I'm open-minded.
Patty: (Dropping the green pen) We won't be needing this.
Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?
Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.
Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school ten minutes ago.
Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts little dudes.
Lisa: We don't have seatbelts.
Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.
Otto: I guess I am a bum...
Bart: Homer didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge.
Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do!
Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Otto: Wow! What's the catch?
