The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
Homer: (playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips) Ew! Don't try to eat these so called "chips".
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
(takes four cards)
Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, "woo hoo".
Moe: I'm in.
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing.
(lays out cards)
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa!
(takes chips and looks at cards)
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this every time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!
Well, let's just call them... uh, 'Mr. X' and 'Mrs. Y'. So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson!"Homer
If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I can teach a class!Homer
Marge: We don't think you're slow. But on the other hand, it's not like you go to museums, or read books or anything.
Homer: You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge, they won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher ad more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves! But they won't! They won't let me live!
Lisa: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.
Homer: Oh. And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.
Homer: Okay, brain. If we don't think of something, Marge will leave us forever!
Homer's Brain: Eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding...
Homer: Well, alright. But then we gotta get to work. (starts eating the pudding)
Annex Manager: Now Tell me Mr. Simpson, what special skills could you teach a class on?
Homer: Uh... I can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Annex Manager: No you can't! No one can!
Annex Manager: We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful marriage.
Homer: I'll do it! Anything to get me out of that house, away from all that nagging, and noise... uh, of a family of love. Tra-la-la-la!
Groundskeeper Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I'd have taken the orange eating class.
(cut to orange eating class)
Moleman: The eating of a good orange is a lot like a successful marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn orange!
Bart: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F."
Homer: This is dated two weeks ago.
Bart: Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one.
(After an insect falls out of his hair) You think you get them all, but you forget about the eggs.Otto