I know you won’t. I know we’re married in the future.


I’m here now, and I’m who you come home to, and I’m never going to let anyone keep you away from me. That was I love you in more words.


Henry’s dad: Why do you say stupid things like that? Why can’t you just tell the truth?
Teen Henry: You kissed her in the rain, mom –the very first time. You stood outside her apartment building, and when you walked inside, you did a little dance. You didn’t think anyone could see you. You were wrong. I could see you. I’m a time traveler and saw my parent’s first kiss.

Henry’s dad: Everyone flips out at their wedding.
Henry: When I flip out, I end up naked at a hoedown in 1987. I need something that will calm me down for the whole day and not turn me into a zombie.

28-year-old Henry: I’m changing this!
36-year-old Henry: Fuck off! You couldn’t even get married.

Always remember Henry, the marriage is about two people. The wedding is about one woman, and you are marrying her daughter.

Henry’s dad

Most people love nostalgia. That’s why they love video. Nostalgia for a time traveler is a bear trap. Memories are basically trapped doors, but I’ve already told you that before.

Older Henry

Preteen Clare: What’s wrong?
Older Henry: Nothing. Memories.
Preteen Clare: Because of the song?

Henry: I just don’t think we have much in common, except apart from the obvious.
Gomez: The obvious?
Henry: The part where we both want to fuck Clare.

Clare: He’s going to be your best friend, like it or not.
Henry: Says who?
Clare: Says future you.

Clare: What are you doing? Don’t freak him out like that!
Alicia: I’m supposed to freak out your boyfriends. It’s my sacred duty as your younger sister.

Hey there, comrade. Welcome to the future. It’s 2022.