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The Griffins, sans Peter, are watching TV.

Cutaway to a Vodka Beer commercial.

Peter brings in mail. Lois reads a letter from Peter's mother's estate that says her house has been sold.

Peter reminisces about his old porn stash hidden in the house. Lois thinks he's just sad about the house being sold and memories left behind.

At the Clam, Peter tells the guys about the old porno's. Quagmire says he understands and Peter is amazed that Quagmire likes pornography too.

Peter comes up with a plan to break into his old house to get his box of porno's back.

The guys are in a van outside the old house when the owner comes out. Peter tells the guy they were planning to break into the house to steal the box of porno's. The guys says to come and take them because he doesn't want them in his house because he has kids.

Peter says that was easier than a game of Pai Gow Poker. Cutaway to Peter losing big time in Vegas.

Peter decides to binge watch his porno's, but the binge only lasts 11 minutes. He decides to get rid of the porno's and starts throwing them back in the box when he comes across a video that he made as a teenager.

His teenage self talks about how he hopes he's a doctor and not some loser working at a beer company or a toy factory. Peter starts feeling sorry for himself.

He feels he's never done anything important except when he beat Larry Bird at a game of HORSE and won a Big Mac.

Chris tells Peter that Stewie is stuck between his crib and the wall, but Peter is still watching the video. Then he notices Chris is playing with nunchucks just like he is in the video and is afraid that Chris is going to become a failure too so he decides he's going to make Chris a success.

Chris gets excited, but goes into the kitchen and asks the "computer" (a toaster) what success means.

Later Peter and Lois are discussing Chris. Lois says Chris is fine, but Peter doubts it and references the fact that Chris is trying to give himself a nosebleed.

Peter works with Chris telling him that to become a success you need to look worldly and sophisticated, so he starts to dress like Lenny Kravitz to make it seem like they've "been places." 

Brian is watching TV when Peter and Chris walk in wearing tall hats. Brian wants to know what's going on and Peter tells him that nothing is working to make Chris sophisticated, that he's still a "fat dummy." Brian questions if Peter is just trying to make up for his own disappointments by trying to force Chris to become something he's not. He says he should just let Chris find his own patch, but Peter rejects the idea. He asks Brian to show him how to be sophisticated. Brian agrees.

Brian lets Chris follow him around. They do all sorts of sophisticated things like attend Shakespeare festivals, but it's still not working. Chris is still Chris. Eventually Chris comes around and becomes sophisticated, but he no longer has time for his dad. Peter doesn't like the way things are going and tries to win Chris back. Lois tells Peter Chris will grow out of it like Peter did when he was into "Walk Like an Egyptian."

Peter makes a mug for Chris "World's Greatest Sun", but Chris makes fun of the mug which makes Peter feel worse so he goes into his car and cries until Happy comes on and then he's happy.

He brings Kate Upton home for Chris, but Chris doesn't care. He interrupts Lois' TV watching to watch a French movie, but Lois tells Peter he's being ridiculous. Peter tells her he's sad and Chris overhears.

Chris is at a book club with Brian. Brian is making stuff up about books he never read and Chris calls him a fraud.

Peter is at the zoo throwing tater tots at a baby panda when Chris shows up dressed like Chris instead of the sophisticated fraud he was before. He tells Peter that he's the best because he doesn't pretend to be something he's not. That makes Peter feel good. They start throwing tater tots together.

At home, the Griffins are watching TV talking about the lessons learned.

Family Guy
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Family Guy Season 14 Episode 5 Quotes

TV is how stupid losers spend their time.


We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.