Family Guy Quotes: "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag"

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During the first of two new episodes during Family Guy's live action special last night, Brian was dating an older woman, Rita.

The episode, "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag," began with Peter's obsession with the movie Round House (the episode was also dedicated to Patrick Swayze) and somehow led to Brian dating a fifty year old woman.

Brian and an Older Lady

Along the way Brian proposed, cheated, and got dumped all within one hilarious half hour.  Relive some of the better moments with our Family Guy quotes from the episode:

Peter: Oh my god, Road House. I want to buy this
Clerk: Great and as a bonus I'll throw in What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams
Peter: No thank you
Clerk: No charge
Peter: I do not want it
Clerk: But it's free, sir
Peter: If that DVD even touches Road House, I will kill you | permalink
Rita: Is that your condom?
Brian: No, I mean I wasn't gonna use that on your daughter. I would not use a condom on your daughter. I mean I would if i was having sex with her, which I obviously would not do. I'm safe and all. I get AIDS test every three months. It's not because I have a lot of sex. I eat a lot of poo off the streets
| permalink
Brian: You are really pretty
Girl at Bar: Thanks
Brian: You know, uh, I wrote a book
Girl at Bar: What's that?
Brian: It's like a long magazine
Girl at Bar: Huh?
Brian: It's like the Internet made out of a tree
Girl at Bar: Oh, weird. You want to have sex in the bathroom?
Brian: Oh gosh, what a treat, yes I would like that | permalink
Brian [about Rita]: Well you met her, what did you think?
Lois: What do I think? She's a 100! Peter, did you see her?
Peter: I'm looking at her now. I can see her from the window up here. Did anyone make a Jessica Tandy joke yet?
Lois: No!
Peter: Awesome! I'll be right down
Chris [to Brian]: Who are you dating, Jessica Tandy?
Peter: Sonuvabitch! Damnit Chris, I called that from upstairs | permalink
Lois: My God I can't even react big enough. Here's Mrs. Garret
Mrs. Garret: Whaaat!?
Brian: If my happiness means so little to you that you have Charlotte Rae just standing by to crack a joke then you disappoint me | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.


Thanks for the update L. Smith. Do you know who voiced Rita?


Yeah, I don't know how to break this to you, but, Aimee Garcia is not the voice of the older woman as you have suggested. She voiced Nicole, Rita's daughter. Nana Visitor was Rita. IMDB got it wrong, which isn't surprising since they list many things inaccurately. Like the fact Aimee has been in more than one episode of Las Vegas. She was basically in all of the last two seasons. Other error I have noticed were that Ronald D. Moore is credited as writing on Mission: Impossible 2 when in fact he wrote only for the first film. And Whoopi Goldberg being credited for 40 episodes of Liberty's Kids where as Walter Cronkite, whose voice was featured in every episode, whither his character was in the story or not, is only credited in 4 episodes. Or that any of the kids who are the stars of the show are only credited with 3.




Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley