Family Guy Quotes: "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag"

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During the first of two new episodes during Family Guy's live action special last night, Brian was dating an older woman, Rita.

The episode, "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag," began with Peter's obsession with the movie Round House (the episode was also dedicated to Patrick Swayze) and somehow led to Brian dating a fifty year old woman.

Brian and an Older Lady

Along the way Brian proposed, cheated, and got dumped all within one hilarious half hour.  Relive some of the better moments with our Family Guy quotes from the episode:

Peter: Oh my god, Road House. I want to buy this
Clerk: Great and as a bonus I'll throw in What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams
Peter: No thank you
Clerk: No charge
Peter: I do not want it
Clerk: But it's free, sir
Peter: If that DVD even touches Road House, I will kill you | permalink
Rita: Is that your condom?
Brian: No, I mean I wasn't gonna use that on your daughter. I would not use a condom on your daughter. I mean I would if i was having sex with her, which I obviously would not do. I'm safe and all. I get AIDS test every three months. It's not because I have a lot of sex. I eat a lot of poo off the streets
| permalink
Brian: You are really pretty
Girl at Bar: Thanks
Brian: You know, uh, I wrote a book
Girl at Bar: What's that?
Brian: It's like a long magazine
Girl at Bar: Huh?
Brian: It's like the Internet made out of a tree
Girl at Bar: Oh, weird. You want to have sex in the bathroom?
Brian: Oh gosh, what a treat, yes I would like that | permalink
Brian [about Rita]: Well you met her, what did you think?
Lois: What do I think? She's a 100! Peter, did you see her?
Peter: I'm looking at her now. I can see her from the window up here. Did anyone make a Jessica Tandy joke yet?
Lois: No!
Peter: Awesome! I'll be right down
Chris [to Brian]: Who are you dating, Jessica Tandy?
Peter: Sonuvabitch! Damnit Chris, I called that from upstairs | permalink
Lois: My God I can't even react big enough. Here's Mrs. Garret
Mrs. Garret: Whaaat!?
Brian: If my happiness means so little to you that you have Charlotte Rae just standing by to crack a joke then you disappoint me | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!