Where do we even start with this episode of Modern Family? From a turtle funeral to a sex-crazed ex of Phil's, this was one of the funniest half hours of the season.

First, let's give it up for Judy Greer. The single friend in pretty much every romantic comedy (27 Dresses, The Wedding Planner, etc.), Greer's character in "Truth Be Told" reminded us more of Kitty, the Arrested Development secretary that slept with Gob.

Of course, she wasn't about to do the same with Phil. He wouldn't let her just break off a slice, no way! Our two favorite ways in which Phil either warded off Denise's advances or warned Claire about them?

Simulating her seductive air-biting ("She bit the air right in front of me!") and throwing a dish towell in Denise's face as he made a run for it. Amazing stuff.

Meanwhile, any interaction between Jay and Manny leaves us in stiches.

We can never get enough of his exasperation at his step-son's maturity, especially in the face of Jay's elaborate lie surrounding the death of Shel Turtlestein (RIP, Flyza Manelli and Zsa Zsa Gaboa, too).

It's hard to choose the most hilarious moment from this storyline: Manny's logical rebuttal that what doesn't kill us can actually make us weaker; Manny's reference to "cold cuts" during his failed eulogy; or Jay's detailed attempt to cover up the involuntary turtleslaughter.

As for Mitchell's resignation? Nothing stood out from this arc, but at least it paves the way for Justin Kirk to appear on the show. Okay, one thing stood out: Cameron forcing an unknowing Mitchell to sing "Shout."

Below, we've listed some of the best Modern Family quotes from the episode. Did we miss any?

Manny: I don't think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts. | permalink

Gloria: I'm Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one. | permalink

Phil: You're doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean. | permalink

Haley: Oh my God, gross, I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you. | permalink

Jay: I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight. | permalink

Claire: Women in their 30s on the internet are like ninjas. They get in their little, black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage. | permalink

Denise: How many other women have you led on?
Phil: I don't know now! | permalink

Matt Richenthal is the Editor in Chief of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter and on Google+.