For such a real life addict, you would think Charlie Sheen could play a better drunk during last night's opening scene of Two and a Half Men.  It's not that the antics weren't funny.  The classic robbing of Uncle Charlie's cash and the bicycle helmet were hysterical.  But the ridiculous over-exaggerated method of acting drunk was much too distracting to let the jokes flow.

It's a shame, because the writing is so good on this show normally Charlie Sheen can just speak his lines and have us laugh.  Luckily, the drunken antics didn't extend past the intro and the rest of "A Good Time in Central Africa" more than made up for it.

For eight seasons, it's really been a mystery why Charlie keeps Berta.  She's an absolutely horrible housekeeper, steals his money and talks back to him.  But earlier this season, he admitted his love for her.  He loves the abuse.

So it was really no surprise that despite falling in love with Esperanza, he still went back to Berta.  "It's you Berta.  It's always been you."  Say what you will about the drunken SOB.  He is loyal.  And he has a heart somewhere under than man whore exterior.

Meanwhile, Alan's B story of getting back with Lyndsey and dealing with her stalker of an ex, Chris (Judd Nelson) was equally good.  Maybe it's been our crush on Courtney Thorne-Smith since her Melrose Place days, but much like Charlie, we'll never understand how Alan has managed to take C-cups back from Chris... twice.

Suspending disbelief, Chris' crazy stalking and air guns had us laughing.  Even more funny?  The fact that Charlie thought his losing of a maid that cooked him breakfast was more devastating news than Alan having a stalker try to kill him.  "He's in his room.  There's a pillow on the couch."

We'll leave you with our favorite Two and a Half Men one liners and quotes from the episode and this thought: Jenny McCarthy returns next week.

Alan: She broke up with her ex-husband. She said she didn't want to go backwards.
Charlie: In what universe is dating you not going backwards?
Alan: I know. This guy must be all kinds of messed up. | permalink

Charlie: Te amo.
Alan: I thought you don't speak Spanish?
Charlie: I do know how to say, "I love you" and "How much for a happy ending?" in seventeen languages. | permalink

Jake: Uncle Charlie in there?
Berta: Yep.
Jake: Drunk?
Berta: Hammered.
Jake: You clean him out?
Berta: Would I do that to my little buddy? | permalink

Alan: Is that a votive candle?
Charlie: Yep. She's praying that I have pleasant bowel movements.
Alan: Oh, please.
Charlie: No, no. It's working. This morning, soft, firm easy peasy. | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.