Dear Diary,

Clarissa's teen angst BS has a (mounting) body count.

Fine, was I the only one who was put in a bit of a Heather state of mind by Reign Season 1 Episode 12?

Watch Reign Season 1 Episode 12 Online

Maybe it's my only point of reference for a drama that includes at least one faux hanging and more than one teenaged girl who ends up killing someone. That movie's a classic for a reason, guys! And this fast-paced, action-packed hour was some classic Reign.

There was a lot in this episode - pending Vatican approvals, a glorious moping Catherine and the extremely unexpected pairing of Lola and Francis (I'm sure that won't come back to haunt them at all, right?).

Biut before we get into any of that, I would like to wish a fond farewell to Clarissa, my favorite deranged castle pseudo-ghost. R.I.P. Bag Face. You were nuts and you killed way more people than was necessary, but you were my favorite burlap-covered maniac on television and I'll miss the special taste of crazy that you brought to Reign.

Now, the only irrationality will come from the main characters arguing about the validity of prophecies, not you snapping a maid's neck because why not? I pour out some mead for you, milady.

Where will the castle gang go from here? Will they learn to stop riding in carriages? Have you noticed that NOTHING good ever happens to anyone on this show when they ride in a carriage? And if you ride that carriage into the woods? Forget about it, man. GAME OVER.

Captivity is revealing another side of Catherine, something still arch and dry, but more vulnerable and wounded. I like it as a critic who champions multifaceted characters. But I don't like it as someone who considers Catherine's Reign quotes one of the highlights of her televisual week.

Lola's Excellent Parisian Adventure provided a nice, lighter counterpoint to all the heaviness at court, though I am sure hooking up with Francis will not come without consequence. I mean, when does anything on this show come without consequence, right?

Official Reign FashionWatch: 8/10. Every time they braid those tiny pearls into Mary's hair, I die. Also, Bash was looking extremely sharp in that leather armor. I thought he looked very frumpy at the start of Reign Season 1, but his look is growing on me. Kind of a Renaissance Ethan Hawke circa Reality Bites? (yes I have not seen any movies made after 1996, what of it?)

But surely there is a bigger threat to court than floppy grunge hair.

What's the greatest threat to court?