Conchata Ferrell stars as Berta on Two and a Half Men.  Berta is Charlie's sarcastic, unattractive maid that is definitely treated like one of the family by Charlie and Alan.

Despite her appearance, somehow Berta has several beautiful daughters, including one played by guest star Megan Fox.

Berta Quotes

Jake: Thanks for helping me with my book report, Prudence.
Prudence: Oh, no problem. Fourth grade stuff is easy for me.
Berta: Should be, you did it twice

Charlie: I'm still sleeping here, could you come back in a little while?
Berta: I could, or you could get your pampered ass out of bed and let me do my demeaning job and get on with my hellish life

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: You're like an Alzheimer's patient in a whorehouse.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: You're constantly surprised that you're getting screwed, and you don't want to pay for it

Alan: What's wrong with him?
Berta: Classic case of va-jay-jay fever.
Alan: Colorfully put. I'm just surprised to see Charlie fall for it.
Berta: Sooner or later all men fall for it. How do you think I got my condo in Palm Springs?
Alan: You have a condo in Palm Springs?
Berta: No, figure of speech. Don't try to stop by.