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Two-and-a-half-men

Berta: Ha Zippy, like it wasn't easy before.
Alan: I would not expect you to understand European chic.
Berta: Seems like European on a power line.

Walden: Lyndsey is downstairs, breaking up with Alan.
Berta: Well, we knew this was coming. First time, I saw her, I told her to blink twice, if she was being held hostage.

Alan: If I am such a great guy, then why did Lyndsey leave me?
Berta: Oh, there is no telling with chicks, but don't worry, you will find somebody else
Alan: As good as Lyndsey?
Berta: Ha, look at you, already making jokes.

Alan: What do you want?
Berta: A motorcycle and another night with Neil Diamond.

Berta: By the way, in case I forget, I may be a little late on Monday.
Walden: No problem, when should I expect you?
Berta: Wednesday.

Walden: Why do you need a chiropractor?
Berta: I have a big date on Valentine's Day, and if it goes all well, I will need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist and a priest.

Alan: You came back for me, you love me.
Berta: I pity you.

Berta: There are better things I am more interested in than my birthday...
Alan: You would not believe what happened to me today!!!
Berta: I stand corrected.

Walden: I love you Berta.
Berta: You are one sentimental little taco.

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