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Two-and-a-half-men

Berta: Ha Zippy, like it wasn't easy before.
Alan: I would not expect you to understand European chic.
Berta: Seems like European on a power line.

Walden: Lyndsey is downstairs, breaking up with Alan.
Berta: Well, we knew this was coming. First time, I saw her, I told her to blink twice, if she was being held hostage.

Alan: If I am such a great guy, then why did Lyndsey leave me?
Berta: Oh, there is no telling with chicks, but don't worry, you will find somebody else
Alan: As good as Lyndsey?
Berta: Ha, look at you, already making jokes.

Alan: What do you want?
Berta: A motorcycle and another night with Neil Diamond.

Berta: By the way, in case I forget, I may be a little late on Monday.
Walden: No problem, when should I expect you?
Berta: Wednesday.

Walden: Why do you need a chiropractor?
Berta: I have a big date on Valentine's Day, and if it goes all well, I will need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist and a priest.

Alan: You came back for me, you love me.
Berta: I pity you.

Berta: There are better things I am more interested in than my birthday...
Alan: You would not believe what happened to me today!!!
Berta: I stand corrected.

Walden: I love you Berta.
Berta: You are one sentimental little taco.

Alan: She just wants to take advantage of Walden.
Berta: You do hear yourself talk, right?
Alan: Yes, I am a mooch, but I am not dangerous.

That, my friends, is what happens when hillbillies have unprotected sex with hummingbirds.

Berta: You can just keep staring at your laptop all day.
Walden: I made a billion dollars doing this.
Berta: Well, carry on.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 151 in total

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Lyndsey: Oh, God. You saw "Cinnamon's Buns?"
Charlie: Not all the way through. Though I'm very familiar with the bakery shop scene in the middle. You know, with the frosting gun?

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