(Abby is in the morgue, talking to Lieutenant Thorson's corpse)
Abby: So... I just-I want you to know that... whatever it is... that you're trying to tell me, I promise you, I promise I'll understand.
Ducky: Careful, sometimes they talk back.

Tony: Maybe Alice took a few too many pills in Wonderland. (shakes several prescription pill containers)
Abby: Hey, bite your tongue. Respect, please.
Tony: Sorry, Abbs, I just think we need to consider the possibility that Lieutenant Thorson's paranoia was... "imagined."
Abby: Her hard drive's been erased.
Tony: Is that a euphemism?
Abby: They used a remote device to erase the hard drive. I don't think that is imagined.

Abby: I've had problems with visitors, so he [McGee] was just being overprotective.
Neisler: Protective of what, your butt? He couldn't stop checking it out when your back was turned.
Abby: Really?
Neisler: But I can see why you'd want to keep things casual.
Abby: Why is that?
Neisler: What if he's 'the one'? You're obviously married to your work, it's too soon to meet 'the one'.
Abby: We're done. (To Gibbs) Gibbs, can you make him go away, please?

Abby: Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my MP3 player, my CafPow, my desk or Bert my farting hippo, without my express written consent.
Intern: Well, how am I gonna' do anything?
Abby: And there's no cameras or flash photography.
Intern: Well, I don't have a camera.
Abby: And if I accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.
Intern: Why don't I just wear bells?
Abby: That's a really good idea. I mean I'm sorry about this.. I mean Darren worked out but, I just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. (Abby pulls out a collar with bells) It'll just be better this way.
Intern: I uh, I'm not putting those on.
Abby: Oh no, actually you are.
Intern: No I'm not.
Abby: Except for the fact that you are.

That TV came over on the Mayflower.

Isn't Burt the most relaxing thing?

Today's new friend is tomorrow's family.

Gibbs: You do something good now, you're not always around to see the difference it makes later.
Abby: I don't know Gibbs.
Gibbs: Abs, first day we met.
Abby: It was a Thursday, seventy degrees, mostly sunny. What about it?
Gibbs: What did you give me?
Abby: I had Chinese food, and I gave you the fortune from my cookie.
Gibbs: Because?
Abby: Because I wanted it to be about you.
Abby: The fortune. You kept it.
Gibbs: The things you do mean something to people.

Abby: Have the bad things been outweighing the good things all these years and I just ever noticed?
McGee: What do you mean?
Abby: All I ever wanted was to help people with the truth. And I've done that, but then bad still won sometimes. And I just want to file it away, like it never happened so I can go back to being happy.
McGee: There's nothing wrong with that.
Abby: Yes there is McGee because sometimes the Cutwrights and the Dunns, they just keep fighting no matter what the truth is. And sometimes Ricki never gets to see her grandpa again. If the bad outweighs the good then that means that I'm not enough.
McGee: Abby listen to me...
Abby: And if I'm not enough, McGee, then why even try?

From the ashes, McAbby will rise.

You could totally rock an eye patch Gibbs. And that's not important.

Gibbs: No costume this year?
Abby: After last year's Jonas Brothers debacle, Vance banned costumes. McGee? Skinny jeans? Didn't work.

NCIS Quotes

Bishop: Seriously? How'd you get that?
Tony: Well, it's like Gorillas in the Midst. You'll get to understand his grunts.

Torres: When I break out the glass, maybe I can rip out the bars.
Bishop: With what? Your superhuman strength?