Popular Alan Harper Quotes
Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.
Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.
Alan: I can't believe it, you're nervous about a date?
Charlie: Of course I'm nervous. What am I going to talk to her about? I haven't gone out with a 40-year-old woman since I was in high school!
Alan: It was like I was in a dream and my hands belonged to someone else.
Charlie: I have that one all the time. Except in mine, the hands do belong to someone else.
Dr. Freeman: You dozed off for 40 minutes, Alan.
Alan: You're going to charge me for that?!
Dr. Freeman: I was awake
Berta: Hey, Alan, your mom called. She gave me the news.
Alan: Oh, God!
Berta: Come here. I'm proud of ya, Zippy! The world is a much happier place once you figure out whether you're the pin or the cushion
Alan: Have you been spying on me?
Rose: No, silly! I spy on Charlie; you just get in the way sometimes
Alan: Can I come live with you?
Alan: Oh, come one, Mom, I am going to be homeless, once he marries her; I am going to be living on the street.
Evelyn: Try to pick a street in Beverly Hills, so I visit you
Charlie: I'm gonna hate this movie.
Alan: How do you know?
Charlie: Because it has subtitles. The only good subtitles are for Nazis, drug lords and space aliens. Oh and kung fu.
Charlie: If I can't haive chelsea, I don't want to live.
Alan: Where are you going?
Charlie: Strip club.
Alan: Ah yes, death by lap dance.
Alan: You'll have to back off a half step, there's no groin contact in ball room dancing.
Charlie: Huh, I wonder if that's why they call it ball... room.
Charlie: What's wrong with my lifestyle?
Alan: Oh, no! We're not going down that road at $300 an hour