Popular Alan Harper Quotes
Godspeed, Sam Wilson.
Lynsdey: How are you doing?â€¨Alan: I am high, humiliated and hairless.
Rose: Do you feel the healing energy?
Alan: If I say yes, will you get off me?
Charlie: Hey, hey. Maple Loops is part of a nutritious balanced breakfast.
Alan: Yeah, if you eat it with a steak and some broccoli
Alan: All right, even if I weren't deathly ill, which I am, I wouldn't go out on a blind double date with you!
Charlie: Why not?
Alan: Summer of my junior year? The Seals and Crofts concert? You got the incredible cheerleader, and I got her sister, The Incredible Hulk!?
Alan: Morning, Berta. Need some help?
Berta: Yeah, come to my house and explain to my daughter that we don't put up bail for cute guys with Costa Rican passports
Charlie: Alan, I can't do this anymore, I quit!
Alan: You can't quit poverty, Charlie
Alan: So what grade are you in, Joanie?
Alan: Ah. Cool. I have a little boy who's in fourth.
Alan: Oh......well, I thought it would be relevant to the conversation.
Charlie: No matter how old they are, you still strike out. You know, Joanie, you're just as pretty as your mom.
Alan: I bow to the master
Alan: Rose, what are you doing here?
Alan: Where's my mother?
Jake: She left.
Jake: I don't know. We were watching SpongeBob SquarePants, and she stood up and said life was too short
Charlie: How's it going in there?
Alan: Whatever happened to zippers? I miss zippers.
Charlie: I don't know, Alan, maybe there were too many injuries. Nobody ever got their balls caught in a buttonhole
Alan: Get your jacket, it's time to go.
Jake: I don't want to go. I hate clothes shopping
Alan: Well, you can't stay here alone.
Jake: Why not?
Alan: You know why not.
Jake: But I don't have a turtle to put in the microwave anymore.
Alan: Get your jacket.
Jake: Fine. I'll put on my stupid jacket and we'll get in the stupid car and we'll go stupid clothes shopping.
Charlie: Hey! Don't talk to your stupid father like that
Alan [about Judith]: What does she think she's doing? She-- she's straight, she's gay, she's straight again... I mean, place your bets! Where she lands, nobody knows!
Charlie: Alan, it's no big deal. Women get to experiment with their sexuality. It's only guys who have to make a choice and stick to it.
Alan: Where do you get this stuff?
Charlie: I make it up.