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Alan [about Jake being a slob]: I'll talk to him.
Berta: Well, while you're at it, you may want to mention the half-eaten egg salad sandwiches in his toy chest, the dead marine life in the back of his closet, and the booger collection under his bed!
Alan: I'll do my best to address your concerns.
Berta: Don't condescend to me, Zippy. I'll snap you like a butter bean


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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 17 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Berta Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 17 Quotes

Charlie [having back pain]: Alan, you're a chiropractor... do something.
Alan: Really, you want MY help? Even after you referred to my profession as, oh what was it.. "urban voodoo"?
Charlie: I'm sorry. Now help me.
Alan: Ok, ok... we'll see what we can do. [begins doing voodoo dance] Hoomala, hoomala, hoomala...

Charlie [in pain on the floor]: New plan—I need someone who can give me drugs.
Berta: I'm not holding, but I can make a coupla calls.
Alan: Drugs just mask the problem.
Charlie: Fine. Mask it. Throw a cape on it, and let it fight crime. I just want it to go away

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