Parks and Recreation

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Andy Dwyer Quotes (Page 10)

Season 2, Episode 9: "The Camel"

Andy: Do you have a key in your shoe?
Ron: No, no. I have a bunion that's practically it's own toe. Normally the pain howls through my loafers like a banshee on the moors, but these past three minutes its been reduced to a faint growl.
• Rating: Unrated

Season 2, Episode 8: "Ron and Tammy"

Andy [to Ann]: Yeah, just joined the rat race. Just chasing the cheese. Racing the rats. Trying to get the cheese. Enough technical business talk, you look ravishing.
• Rating: Unrated

Andy: Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt.
• Rating: Unrated

Old Gus: Well I've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years. And now it's time for you to listen to one of mine. You know a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life. And I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine. And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus." I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s and I sure hate it now. So go to hell every single one of ya. Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes!
Andy [laughing]: Oh, Gus. That's classic.
• Rating: Unrated

Season 2, Episode 7: "Greg Pikitis"

Leslie: I believe that you're innocent until proven guilty in this country. That's the cornerstone of democracy.
Andy: Sure.
Leslie: On the other hand. Greg Pikitis is a little punk. And I kind of want to TP his house.
• Rating: Unrated

Andy [to Leslie]: You're the coolest person I've ever met. I even met John Cougar Melloncamp once.
• Rating: Unrated

Andy: A week ago, I had nothing. Now I have a part-time job, I'm gonna make 32 bucks tonight. I owe Leslie everything I have. Which after tonight will be 39 bucks.
• Rating: Unrated

Season 2, Episode 6: "Kaboom"

Andy [about Mark]: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't have?
Ann: Are you serious?
Andy: Yeah.
Ann: Everything. He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say tampon without giggling.
• Rating: Unrated

Ann: We should have checked before to see if you were... home.
Andy: Oh no, I told you. I moved out of the pit. I decided to go back because I forgot my headphones. And I laid down on this really comfy tarp, I saw this old cereal box I hadn't read before so I must have drifted off.
• Rating: Unrated