Ellie: It is a gorgeous night and I have no kid waiting at home. Shiraz me. Laurie, you are rockin' those jeans. Hi girlfriend!
Laurie: Why's it being nice?
Andy: Is this the golden seven minutes?

• Permalink: It is a gorgeous night and I have no kid waiting at home. Shiraz...
• Rating: Unrated

Andy: Is that the candle holder from the room?
Jules: Forget about it.

• Permalink: Is that the candle holder from the room? Forget about it.
• Rating: Unrated

Tom: The Bicycle Boys stole my fountain.
Jules: [Gasp]
Grayson: No!
Andy: Come on!
Ellie: Damn them!

• Permalink: The Bicycle Boys stole my fountain. No! Come on! Damn t...
• Rating: Unrated

Andy: Great, they're grossed out by the thought of us naked.
Ellie: Not us my friend.
Laurie: [Laughing]

• Permalink: Great, they're grossed out by the thought of us naked. Not us ...
• Rating: Unrated

Okay, others may see you as a terrifying hate goblin, but they don't matter I see my fiery hell raiser beautiful wife who loves me more than anything.

• Permalink: Okay, others may see you as a terrifying hate goblin, but they d...
• Rating: Unrated

Ellie: Stan the bartender?
Andy: We have a son named Stan.
Ellie: Oh, sure sure.

• Permalink: Stan the bartender? We have a son named Stan. Oh, sure sure.
• Rating: Unrated

Sometimes doing the hard thing gets you where you need to be.

• Permalink: Sometimes doing the hard thing gets you where you need to be.
• Rating: Unrated

I used to make fun of them, but now I get goth kids. Life is pain. Pain is life. The Cure rules!

• Permalink: I used to make fun of them, but now I get goth kids. Life is pain. Pain is life. The Cure...
• Rating: Unrated

Travis: That thing's on you like a bear trap. Is there at least a zipper so you can go to the bathroom?
Andy: I don't have to go anymore...
Travis: What?
Andy: What?

• Permalink: Buzz Lightyear
• Rating: Unrated

Ellie: It's your turn, best war story from your twenties.
Jules: Once when I was 22, I had a baby and I stayed home by myself raising him for the rest of my twenties. The end
Andy: Boo!

• Permalink: It's your turn, best war story from your twenties. Once when I...
• Rating: Unrated

Andy: Tom, I need protection.
Tom: Are we talking condoms or guns?
Andy: No, I need... you have guns?
Tom: I dunno, you have money?

• Permalink: I dunno, you have money?
• Rating: Unrated

Ellie: Why are your boyfriends acting so weird?
Andy: First of all, only Bobby is my boyfiend and they're not acting weird.

• Permalink: Why are your boyfriends acting so weird? First of all, only Bo...
• Rating: Unrated