Tom: What do you know? You don't care about things.
April: Yes I do. I care about Andy and Champion ... and I want Leslie to win. And I like sleeping.

Gilles: All due respect Miss Ludgate, do you even know what you're doing here?
April: All due respect Mr. Hamster Penis, but no, I don't.

Chris: I'm engrossed in this book. It's the true story of a woman born with no arms and no legs who attempted to swim the English Channel.
April: That's impossible.
Chris: Oh she drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story.
April: Cool.

I don't want to do things. I want to not do to things like you taught me.

I hate him for this stupid reason.

I dig your groovy tunes man.

Oh I don't know Jerry, it's Sunday night, I'm making phone calls to strangers, and you're in my house. My life couldn't be worse.

I don't care about that prize, but I'm gonna win because I want his happiness to away.

To the better place world, Fred.

I wished for his happiness to go away. I might be a wizard.

Hey, Ann, are you still a nurse or did they fire you because you slept with all the doctors?

Ann: You just hired me like eight seconds ago.
April: Wow, you're doing a really bad job.

Parks & Rec Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie