Ann: You just hired me like eight seconds ago.
April: Wow, you're doing a really bad job.

Horizons are dumb, never broaden your horizons.

We have a thousand dollars in our bank account and we're young and irresponsible.

Andy: It's so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
April: Yeah, I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed at it, but I'm coming up empty.

Honey, he's wearing a costume. He's going as lame.

Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.

Ron: Anyone find any mistakes?
April: Yeah, actually, in here it says that Pawnee is great, but in reality it's terrible.

Ron: Anne was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a really nice move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome Lester.

She's the cold distant mother I never had. I love her.

Tom: Wow, how long has it been?
April: Three weeks.

Chris: I want to apologize to all the women and Jerry. If I could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, I would.
April: Wow, that is so sweet.
Chris: Thank you.

Ben: You always separate your lights from your darks.
April: That's racist.