Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Leslie: So how are things going with you two?
April: They're going really well. We're gonna get married and I'm pregnant with his child.

Citizen: I thought I was having this meeting with Ron Swanson.
April: I'm afraid that Ron Swanson's currently dead.
Citizen: Oh.
April: I'm his daughter, April Swanson. And it's his last wish that I have this meeting with you.

Do you want me to postpone the rest? Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.

Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.

April: I used to play softball.
Andy: I used to play baseball! It's like the boy version of softball.

Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?

Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April: Ew.

Donna: Maybe he fell into the toilet. Remember when he fell into the toilet?
April: Oh sorry guys, sorry I'm late. I got confused and took a shower after I got dressed 'cause I'm Jerry.

April: I thought Freddy Spaghetti OD'd.
Leslie: No, that's Mr. Funny Noodle. And he didn't OD; his drummer shot him.
April: Oh.

No, I've gotta help Leslie find the truth. Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not. Because I care so deeply about possums. 'Cause they're so adorable.

Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.

Ann: Here are the keys. And remember...
April: I know. Don't let Tom make a copy.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 117 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron