Favorite Ari Gold Quotes
You either owe me an apology or blow job, your choice!
Like the great philosopher Sun Tzu said, "When you're done fucking your enemies, fuck them some more"
Ari: What are you doing buddy?
Jonah: I'm waking you up with my mind!
Ari: Good work!
Ari: I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate. How to answer a question without a question: basic Humanity 101. Which I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix. Or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that could either fix it or make her a mute. But now to turn around and gang up on me! I have work to do! I have hundreds of clients to deal with. And just so we're clear; I don't care about any of them. They're all just a number: Like Wife number one and Therapist number seven. Good day!
[Ari walks out]
Mrs. Gold: You're really only our fifth
I'm not scared. I'm scared for the town. Because once I go out, women will fall and men will start wailing.
Don't thank me, thank E. For once in his life the little McNugget delivered. Where is the little freak anyway?
I did play a little [football] in high school. I was pretty good for a Jew.
You have three kids from three different men. You've slept with everyone's ex.
Lizzie: You got the meeting?
Ari: Yeah.
Lizzie: Shit that's impressive.
Ari: Yeah. I'd blow myself if I were more flexible.
Random Fan: Down in front!
Ari: I payed two grand for these seats. I'll get out there and launch a three if I want
What if I told you I had a 22 inch cock? Would that be something that you would be interested in?
Baby, the kid is melting down like Phil Mickelson at Winged Foot. I can't abandon a brother in peril, not on the high holidays
